science

Brace yourselves. They’re here.

The BBC uploaded a UFO sighting video on YouTube today. I was surprised to see that it was only the 35th one in the list of trending videos. I guess people are more concerned about important Earthly matters. I get it. Even I was concerned about why Green Lantern wasn’t in the new Justice League movie. I really felt let down.

Usually people go crazy about UFO sightings when its caught on a shitty camera and uploaded by someone named “UFO hunter 32”. Now we have legit footage and no one gives a shit.

I had a funny thought. Suppose the UFO was actually identified as a extra-terrestrial vehicle, I don’t think people would still give a shit unless it affects them directly. Don’t get me wrong. I am not a big fan of UFO conspiracies. According to ma man Neil deGrasse Tyson, the “U” in UFO stands for “unidentified”. That’s where your discussion should stop. It would be wrong to say “I just saw a UFO. I think it was aliens”(which is exactly what they say at the end of the video. Pretty ironic).

So they say the event took place in 2004, there was a government body investigating such events, it could be countries spying on each other, the UFO seen in the video was manoeuvring itself with such ease while conventional aircraft would find it difficult to do so under such high wind speeds, blah blah blah. I am just like everyone else. Deep down, I would be really excited if there was evidence to prove that some of these are actually visitors from outer space. I have so many questions for them.

First of all, where do you come from?

Do you know who/what made us?

Our planet is dying. Can you help us?

Is it weird that I wish to watch climate change deniers get struck by gigantic bolts of lightning?

What happens after one dies? Is it nothingness or is there something more?

What is your opinion about the Marvel/DC universe?

At the same time, the whole idea also scares the hell outta me. Because obviously one would wonder if they come in peace or ready-to-fuck. If they have the capability to make the inter-planetary trip, they have got to be much more technologically advanced than us. However, in all honesty, do you know what’s much more scarier than all of this? Unemployment.

Advertisements

What happens to engineers after they die?

Its simple really. Before I reveal the answer, here’s a little backstory. Lets rewind to a few minutes before the engineer’s death. The engineer realises that everything he’s learnt, everything he’s experienced, everything he loved may soon be lost forever. This brings immense sadness to the inventor’s gentle heart. However, he remembers all the great scientists and YouTube videos about multiverses and the law of conservation of energy. This reignites the fire of curiosity in him for one last time. Our engineer has now successfully converted fear into curiosity. He is now curious to know what happens after death. This gives him the courage to meet death head on. However he starts to wonder why this shit is taking too long. Soon he realises that he can’t think properly and his memory is starting to fade. He can’t remember his favourite song. He cant remember any songs. He thinks to himself, “Oh well. I hope I get to meet dad at least”. He starts to find it difficult to breathe. Now he knows the time is near. So he opens his eyes for one last time, takes a look around the empty room and then slowly closes it with a smile on his face. 

And then nothingness…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh common! You didn’t think that would be the end of it did you? That was too dark to accept!

The engineer wakes up from bed with tears rolling down his eyes and hopes it to god that the wetness in the pants are also tears. He jumps up from bed in astonishment only to hear his lame ass room mate yell “will you turn off that damn alarm? Don’t you have a job?” to which he gracefully replies “I JUST DIED YOU MOTHERFUCKER”. 

I wish I knew what happens after death. I think death is the only thing in the world that can put a limit on imagination. I just thought the title was really cool! 

 

Progress

What do we want?

We want faster phones, scarier horror movies, underwater restaurants, everlasting bacon, science-based religions, edible flight food, educated politicians, non-addictive drugs, human libraries, three-parent babies, self lacing shoes and of course, pocket pussies. We want to talk to cellphones when we feel lonely. We want to learn to play the piano in one day. We want to wear computers. We want to simulate roller-coaster rides. We want everything right now.

I used to wonder what’s the point of these endless desires. But I kind of get it now. This is how we evolve. I think it is this unstoppable want for new and better things that makes us progress in life. It is what makes us inventors and travellers.

However, things can get confusing along the way.

Goddammit Dolby. What if we get bored of this too?.

I’ve been thinking about what we want vs what we need. Its funny that most of us have a clear idea of what we want but have no clue about what we need. We don’t even know what we need until it is invented by someone else. Some good examples:

Kickstarter

Photovoltaic cell

Having said that here are some things that I know for sure that I don’t need:

Animated emojis.

News in 100 words or less

“New” Jumanji movie. I hope they don’t ruin a great movie

Conversation

IMG_20170514_161236

Mind:

I was walking on wet sand when I noticed the water drying up wherever I stepped. It felt very strange. As I walked further I saw bright red crabs running back into their burrows. I have to say their sense of vibration is pretty good! This is where it starts to get weird- I felt sad seeing them run away from me! Questions started to emerge. Do I really belong here? If I do belong here then why is everything running away from me?

IMG_20170514_151809

Brain:

Good old depression is back! The first thing about water and sand is pure physics. You know that. So stop whining.

IMG_20170514_161258

Mind:

First of all, fuck you. Second of all, how are you still alive? I thought you were paralysed from all the sleep deprivation I gave you.

IMG_20170514_152046

Brain:

Yeah about that, we’ll be shutting down tomorrow sometime between 4 and 6. So don’t be in a meeting or whatever. And stop talking to that girl after midnight. Its not worth it. Pretty soon your organs will start to shut down. And by the way, stop eating all that junk before you sleep. I’ve been trying to contact Liver since last week. Dude is not even picking up. And by the way, start talking to people. There are good people out there. Stop being such a whining looser all the time.

PANO_20170514_153533

Mind:

How dare you you fucking slimy ball of noodles? Wait… you’re right. I’ll take care of it. Hang in there buddy. In the meantime, take a look at these pictures I took. Damn! I am a pro!

IMG_20170514_151349

 

IMG_20170514_152645Henry’s Island, West Bengal

The idiot box?

IMG_20170421_012658_762

Look into my eyes! Worship me!

The idiot box. That’s what they called the TV when it started to ruin people’s lives. They believed that it created dumb people. Maybe in some cases it did. I always thought of the TV as a doorway, a medium of communication that transcended all boundaries. There is no denying the fact that it helped spread knowledge. It might have been biased knowledge but still it did something. It invoked curiosity in people. I don’t know if TV was the result of evolution or if the TV affected evolution in some way. I know for sure that it has affected people’s lives. It has tremendously affected mine.

Having said all this, I have to acknowledge the fact that I don’t watch TV anymore. In fact I kind of hate cable. I am very happy with the internet. I get to watch, listen, read whatever I want, whenever I want. Here’s the problem- sometimes it sucks.

I read a magazine the other day. I hadn’t read any print magazine for a very long time. As I read it I thought to myself,” Everything here is very well thought out, neatly laid out and properly researched. This is frikkin great!”. I don’t get the same feeling when I read about something on the internet. The search results are tailored to satisfy me. The results I get are the ones that I want. Not the ones that I need. We’ve all internet-diagnosed ourselves with cancer at some point in life. However, it depends on how much I am willing to delve into the research. There is no hiding from the truth after all. I am also curious about radio. There is something cool about the randomness. There is something cool about the presentation, the radio edits, etc. I sure as hell don’t miss buying cassettes and CDs. It was a whole different experience though.

I think there is something strange about the way people take in information depending upon how it is presented. The other day, I saw an ad for an app. It said,” Don’t like reading the long boring news articles? Well now you can read every top story in 60 words or less!”. What the fuck has the world come to?

Time

Time is one of the most precious things in the world

Time will heal

Time IS money

blah blah blah. If it’s so important then why do we still waste it? Why do we waste time staring at the stars? Wait, what? You don’t? There’s something wrong with you dude. Get the fuck out of my blog after hitting the like button.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like to waste time (I keep telling myself that). Before I do anything I ask myself, “is this going to be productive?”. And yet I find myself wasting a lot of time doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am a pro at that. Sometimes I sit alone and think. When I think, time flies. I don’t understand how time can just speed up for others while it stays the same for me. What’s worse is that the damn thing slows down whenever I want it to speed up. So let me get this straight. Time speeds up whenever I do something I like and slows down whenever I do something I hate. Thanks a lot, life.

I guess its all about individual perception. One “feels” the passage of time depending on “how” one decides to spend it. There you have it. I have just given you the keys to happiness. You are welcome. And all it took was just a few YouTube videos.

Okay. What if I constantly keep doing things that I like? (strictly hypothetical). Everyday I would wake up and go back to bed with no clue about where all the time went. Hours, days, months would pass by so quickly that I would loose track of time. One fine morning I would wake up and wonder what happened to my life. That’s scary!

Enjoy these comics too!