Beau Is Afraid

The best movies are the ones that grow on you long after you’ve watched them. This is why that girl on her podcast discussed Transformers: The Last Knight, and how it affected her emotionally. Yes, Transformers. This goes to show how subjective every movie experience is, and how passionate some people are with the ideas explored in certain movies. Beau is afraid tells the story of a kind human being who suffers from anxiety and self-doubt.

(Spoilers) It’s disturbingly beautiful how panic and anxiety are portrayed in this movie. Leaving the apartment door open, people trespassing, all these are thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis. Not so much now, as I am on medication, which brings me to the therapist in the movie. To me, that is the ultimate form of betrayal, when your therapist is not on your side. The smile on his face is very disturbing. On top of all that, add all the fun stuff that happens with the family who took him in after hitting him with their car, and you’ve got yourself a nice little movie. Long, but nice.

Back to blogging

I am sitting here, writing this on a tablet at a railway station. I feel like a true millennial now. Sundar Picchai kept his word. There is wifi in the middle of nowhere. Free for the first 30 minutes. That’s not enough to watch an episode of Primal. I get it. It’s meant to test the waters. Once you get a feel of the wifi, you will end up buying it. I will, because by the time I post this, my free time would be over this whole thing would be an incomplete draft blog post, lost in the interne

















Did you fall for it? Shame on you. A kid is swinging her feet through drainage water behind me. Her grandfather is mad at her. He is screaming through my headphones. He is defeating my noise canceling abilities. And right now , as we speak, I mean as I write, she just catapulted his phone to the edge of the platform. All of a sudden , the grandpa turns into a laid back chill person. He is calmly explaining to his granddaughter that he does not like it when his phone travels. Now they are walking holding hands. I have to admit. It is a very cute sight.

Update: The wifi lasted forever


I used to be a firm believer that I can go at this alone. Then I started to read here and there that man is after all a social animal. Then I read about a research done in understanding the keys to longevity. It is here where I read about the importance of community, and feeling included, feeling heard. So now I stand corrected, at age 32. Who knows if it’ll change again? I still have a lot of apprehensions about meeting new people, or just talking to people for that matter. I am scared. I admit. I am scared of people. I am scared of what they might say, or do with the information that I provide. Just like everyone else, I have felt betrayed by people. However there is still a sliver of hope left in me. There might be good people out there. There has to be. There can also be aliens who are not interested in doing sexual experiments on us.

Banana power

The new banana season is great. You know when you get a few good bananas from one guy, you know he’s got a whole batch of them. So you keep going back to him until he starts to realize you’re his slave, and that’s when he hits you with “I don’t have change for a hundred”. The power has shifted. Now you can’t do anything. But there is light, at the top of the tunnel. You don’t have to go to the end, there’s always light at the top, it’s government regulation. All you have to do is never go to him for a month. Eventually his good batch of bananas will run out, and people will start ignoring him. And then one fine day, on your way back from work you wait to look at his face. Then you smile. Then he asks you “what will it be today?”. You got the power back. You’ve won.

Gender and the internet

I watched an interesting debate between this guy Matt Walsh and a transgender woman. Basically she claims she is a woman, but Matt differs. She says all her life, her friends, family and co-workers told her, “girl, nothing about you says you are a man”. Then Matt Walsh asks her to define the word “Woman” and all hell breaks loose. People start cheering, booing, while she struggles to form a sentence. She ends up with “a woman is a person respected by society…” or something along that line. Matt continues to press her, and she leaves.

So I did the unthinkable. I asked Bing. What is a woman? I know what you are thinking. Look at this guy over here! Don’t you think it’s a little too late to ask this question? Well, when I thought about it, the only definition I could come up with was “A woman has boobs and a pussy, and a man has a dick”, an unsettling answer. Surely there’s got to be more right? So this is what Bing said:

According to Oxford Dictionaries, a woman is “an adult female human being” or “a female person associated with a particular place, activity, or occupation” 1. It is a gender and biological sex paradigm for adult human beings 2. The term “woman” is neutral and is the most commonly used term.

Surprise? Sounds like a highschooler toying with you. Let’s get to the crux of it. What is female? (incredible grammar, I know)

According to Oxford Dictionaries, “female” has two distinct meanings 1. As a noun, it means a female animal or plant. As an adjective, it means “of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes which can be fertilized by male gametes”

There you go.

Then I asked chat GPT the same question.

Female is a term used to describe the biological sex of an organism that has reproductive organs that are capable of producing eggs or ova. In humans, females have two X chromosomes and typically have female reproductive organs, such as ovaries, a uterus, and a vagina. This is in contrast to males, who have an XY chromosome pair and typically have male reproductive organs, such as testes and a penis. The terms “female” and “male” are used to distinguish between the two primary biological sexes in many species, including humans. However, it is important to note that sex is not always binary and there are variations in sex characteristics that may not fit into a strictly male/female categorization.

And that is why ladies and gentlemen, I still love chat GPT.

Dear mother,

Tomorrow is mother’s day. I would like to take this opportunity to express my sincere hatred towards you and your husb…jk. Mom, I love you. I have always been a fan. I have always been grateful. Ever since I realized people die like flies, I’ve been hugging you every chance I got. The kissing is new. That took a little effort. I am witnessing your resurgence as a powerful manager of sorts. I’m sad life took dad away from you way sooner than we expected. All we are left with are the beautiful memories. Memories of him coming home from work, and me not letting go of his leg. Memories of him peeing in the sink. Memories of all those mothers who praised him like a God (he was a doctor, lets not get confused). I believe it is your time now. Not to die, but to do something amazing with your life. I think there’s a lot more left in you. Also, kudos for giving my sister a good upbringing. She didn’t deserve it.

Edit: Mother’s day is in May. I fucked up.

Edit2: it is mother’s day

Uncle Tom’s Cabin

I love it when bands deviate from the generic themes, and talk about weird experiences. Uncle Tom’s Cabin is one such song, and it’s beautiful in it’s own way. It narrates a story, a creepy story might I add.

The original is by Warrant

The interesting thing is, when songs do this, it gives you room to make up visuals in your mind. Papa loves creative freedom. It’s almost like you get to live the song. In this case, it’s me and my nephew spending quality time in the woods (I can see a cabin-life for me in the foreseeable future), and my nephew is bound to see weird shit like this happen.

Happy Holi!

Years of WordPress

Today is my anniversary, my WordPress anniversary, and I am indebted to WordPress for this beautiful journey in writing. I don’t know how many years has it been, but it surely was enough to put all the alphabets on my keyboard to use. It used to be just w,a,s,d, ctrl and space. I have now begun a new adventure on a new platform called Swell. It ain’t going swell, but it’s doing something. Check it out!


Papa made it to the editor’s pick a few days ago. So that shows how low the company is willing to stoop.

Shorter the better

When I really think back on my life, like, I’ve always just felt uncomfortable. You know, like, I don’t know what it is, like, my whole life has just been this constant struggle with every moment. Like, I’m just wrestling with every second just to feel okay. Like, I don’t even wanna feel good. Just set me in the middle, you know?

– Theo Von

Now, I can’t say this is the way my life has always been, but I definitely relate to it, especially now. It’s so weird I feel like I know exactly what he is talking about, but the truth he is, I don’t. He feels what he feels and I feel, well, whatever is thrown at me. I have found an app that lets me record these feelings and send them out into the world. What makes the app different? You get five minutes. Five minutes to vent, sing, love or blabber. The app is called Swell, and no, I don’t work for them.