relationships

Releasing the Kraken

I had a very sheltered upbringing, because my parents felt they fucked up with their first child. I remember, as a kid, I was open, expressive and honest. I knew I was weird. I never hid it. I knew people liked me being weird. I remember once, an older cousin commanded me to bring him a glass of water. So I peed in a cup and…you get the idea. I am not proud of it but, it’s a fun story.

IMG_20180709_024315_924.jpg

Later on, all that changed. I grew quiet. I built an armour around me and I installed a filter on my mouth. I still have remnants of my old self though. Sometimes I’ll feel the urge to strike up a conversation with a random stranger when I’m drunk. The conversation goes really well until the alcohol wears off.

So now, I’m trying to release the Kraken; I am trying to bring back my old self. Turns out, it’s not that easy when you are 27 years old. People get offended very quickly. I can’t stroke a guy’s beard and tell him it “feels” good. I can’t stare into a girl’s eyes and tell her it reminds me of my dead dog. So I’ve toned down the approach. I’m trying out this new method, where I slowly reveal my weirdness and see if it plays out well. Hope I don’t get fired.

Need somebody to lean on? Are you sure?

I’m a fan of the song. But is it true that 

Everybody needs somebody?

Everybody needs something?

Maybe I’m inexplicably naive. But as human beings, I think we are evolving to be more independent and efficient in every way possible. Whenever I feel down, and feel like I need companionship, I do this little trick where I look up to myself! (lame, I know). I ask myself for advice, and guess what? It works! Especially when I’m drunk. You know why? Because deep inside, I know that I am the only person in the whole world who can help me. I know how relationships, religion, that sort of thing, seem magical. Do you think, in the far-away future, people will still cling on to these?

Or, is all of this just nonsense spewing from a super-introverted, super-single, super-happy human being? My mom called the other day and talked a lot about how she thinks I’ve changed. The words, ‘distant’, ‘strange’ and ‘family’ were used repeatedly. She’s funny. I like her.

wp-1485714924484.jpeg

PS:

I just remembered my dog. Everything makes sense now. Dammit.

 

Let’s talk about fruits

As a meat enthusiast, I tend to overlook, basically everything that is healthy. So this is my journey into the art of fruit-eating, after moving to North India. When I think about having a fruit, the first thing that comes to mind is a mango, because lets be honest, a mango is what paradise tastes like, not an apple, that shit sucks. But here’s the thing about mangoes. You have to pick the right one, there are so many, unnecessary kinds of mangoes out there. You have to wash it, peel it. You have to make sure there are no worms in it. Such a waste of time. I’m talkin, “raising a child”, kind of effort to eat a mango. Think about it. With all the time and energy you’ve wasted eating mangoes, you could have easily raised a child. I know…I’m blowing your mind right now. This is why I don’t have any friends. Anyway, my life changed the other day when I tried these

IMG_20180617_163634.jpg

They are called lychees. I know, everyone knows. They taste like fruit from an alien planet. Remember that scene in Avatar, where the guy tastes the alien fruit for the first time? The movie sucked bigtime but the fruit was kickass. I imagine it would have tasted something like this. What blew my mind is, there’s no work involved in eating these things. You make a crack in the shell and then pop it into your mouth. Then enjoy as paradise melts. Now, guys, isn’t that the way life is supposed to be? Simple and satisfying? Am I asking for too much here? So kids, what I’m really trying to say is, a lychee is still a great tasting fruit without all the complexities. Be like lychee.

Return of the dragon

Its back. Fucking social-phobia is back in full swing. Everything was going fine. I was making friends. I was getting better at ‘small-talk’. I was mastering the art of socializing. But now, I’ve lost everything. I’ve been trying to find out what caused the sudden change. I ‘ve narrowed it down to two possible causes:

  1. Trip to visit family
  2. I got dumped

The trip back home sent me back to my comfort zone. I didn’t have to interact with strangers for one whole week. One week of harmless, friendly, familiar faces has unfortunately done a lot of damage.

And then I got dumped. In her defence, she was right about a lot of things! Anyways… it happened and I’m dealing with it. Fortunately, I now have an old guitar and a long beard to suit my current situation. To make matters worse, things are not looking good at work and my phobias have peaked. The moment I enter my apartment building, I find myself running to my apartment for fear of bumping into neighbours along the way. I had two panic attacks during the flight back from home. I couldn’t do anything else but play this track on repeat:

What I am trying to say is… life is not great at the moment but I do have my own ways of dealing with this sort of thing. Here are a few:

  1. I find the weirdest things to be uplifting. This animated short by the dudes at Dolby makes me happy(headphones recommended):

2. This amazing blog

http://nolightwithoutdarkness.com/2017/12/27/how-im-coping-with-social-anxiety/

3. This awesome person

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikola_Tesla

4. This exciting place

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acharya_Jagadish_Chandra_Bose_Indian_Botanic_Garden