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Shorter the better

When I really think back on my life, like, I’ve always just felt uncomfortable. You know, like, I don’t know what it is, like, my whole life has just been this constant struggle with every moment. Like, I’m just wrestling with every second just to feel okay. Like, I don’t even wanna feel good. Just set me in the middle, you know?

– Theo Von

Now, I can’t say this is the way my life has always been, but I definitely relate to it, especially now. It’s so weird I feel like I know exactly what he is talking about, but the truth he is, I don’t. He feels what he feels and I feel, well, whatever is thrown at me. I have found an app that lets me record these feelings and send them out into the world. What makes the app different? You get five minutes. Five minutes to vent, sing, love or blabber. The app is called Swell, and no, I don’t work for them.

Rock

I’ve been living in Kolkata for more than seven years now, and there isn’t a single rock band that I really like. There were a few songs here and there, and that was it. The Bangla rock scene is huge. There is a huge following of loyal fans who attend concerts on the regular. I never could find a band whose sound I could relate to. I didn’t hate the music, but it just wasn’t of my taste. You probably know where this is going. I found a band.

I was taken by surprise, because I had given up on this search long ago. In a first time in a long time, I was excited to discover something new. Yesterday there was a party at work. Some of our new products were being launched, and all of a sudden this insanely tight riff gripped the air. It was like sound coming from space. Very old, yet very fresh. Very new, but if I had a past life I probably listened to these guys. This is the rock equivalent of love at first sight. Only difference is you don’t want to fuck it after. A group of professional, passionate musicians. Their journeys different, but their paths, intertwined. I salute you, Cactus. Thank you for making me happy.

Notes

This blog, to me, is like writing on a mirror. It is not my friend. It is a record of glimpses of my life, and things I found to be interesting. I am surprised that lesbian porn never made it to any of the posts. We’ll, there’s a time and place. If my grandchildren use this blog to build an AI personality of me, I want to make sure that they get all the important stuff right. Chocolate cake will take the top spot, followed by my partner. Iron Maiden and comedy will follow. If on the other hand, my DNA is found by an alien species, and they decide to do experiments on my lab-grown body, I recommend you make a plan b before you try doing anything nasty. You know the drill, anal probe, skin grafting and such. This is why I will resume taking kick boxing lessons before I hit 40. Yes, I dream big, IMAX big.

Strong legs

I am now taking walks everyday after work at a park nearby. As you can imagine, there are people at the park, and I have to come face to face with people almost every few seconds. This is exposure therapy. Papa don’t like people looking at him, but little by little, I am getting comfortable looking at people’s faces or not looking at people’s faces, and just walking by. There is a 30% chance I might make a friend or two. So this walking is taking care of my Cholesterol, I think. I feel healthier, and I love seeing my strong legs. Speaking of strong legs, I am now watching the documentary on Jeffrey Dahmer. It certainly is not as gripping as the series, and I noticed something interesting. The documentary focuses more on the story of the murders. The series does a better job of showing how he turned out the way he is. I think that is important. If there’s anything to learn from this, I think it’s the reasons behind the making of a serial killer that is of most importance.

After reading another blog, I got intrigued on the effects of sugar, and I read an article about it and holy fuck. I need to cut down on the sugar intake somehow. 36 grams of added sugar a day is the limit. Can you believe that shit? 36 grams! I think I get 36 grams from breathing Kolkata air.

A gift

Two friends from Kerala came to visit. Today will be my last day with them, and it’s going to be sad. When people from your home town visit you, it’s like they bring a little piece of home to you, and when it goes away it’s painful. You’re so glad they’re here. You love showing them around, but when they leave, it’s heartbreaking. So today I will be getting drunk. Fuck the meds. It’s so good to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with two amazing people. I consider myself very lucky to have them. Imagine listening to a Toto song and dining with your best mates. That’s what it feels like. Pure bliss. For the last day of the tour, we will be covering Belur Math, Dakshineshwar Temple and if possible, the botanical garden. Three big places, with a lot to see. I am already feeling spiritual. The power of meditation within me rises. I feel the need, the need for speed. Let’s Top Gun this.

Do the right thing

I only use my comedic powers for good. So today, when a mean little looser tried to shame me on Reddit, I practiced restraint. I prayed to God, to give me the power to forgive. I meditated, and then I came up with a great comeback that attacked his upbringing. In the words of the great Colossus, “Four or five moments, that’s all it takes. To be a hero. Everyone thinks it’s a full-time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime, there are only 4 or 5 moments that really matter. Moments when you’re offered a choice. To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend… spare an enemy. In these moments, everything else falls away.” So I closed the window, and instead chose to share it with my six hundred loyal spam bots. A small step for me, one giant leap for my ego. Randomthoughtbeam out.

The relaxation

I got a massage for the very first time in my life today. There’s something about another man touching my face that is so new to me, that it feels almost illegal. At one point he had his finger in my ear, and it was vibrating. It was vibrating because he upgraded his arm with what looked like a silver Rocketship. He strapped it onto his wrist and it began buzzing. My worst fear was getting a boner, but that never happened. I couldn’t stop giggling when he had his hands around my waist. It was very difficult to maintain a straight face throughout the whole thing. I enjoyed it. It wasn’t a full body massage. It was only from the waist up, and I was sitting on the barber’s chair. The damn thing costs 100 Rs. A haircut is 70. I understand that more effort goes into massaging. I did feel a little bit like jelly after the whole thing finished, a little dizzy, a little feeling good. I now know what it feels like, and I probably won’t do it again. The next thing I want to try is a full body massage.

Diwali

Tis the season of lights, camera and action. Everyone has a bright smile on their face. Girls are wearing beautiful clothes. People stop hating noise all of a sudden. Roads turn into honking competitions. Now, I know what dreams are made of, but mine is different. A shock-collar for every driver. Every horn has a limit of one second. Beyond that, the driver gets a minor dose of electricity (Benjamin Franklin would be proud). As the time goes on, so does the intensity of electric current. What makes this interesting is that you will still find hardcore people who are willing to go through extreme pain to express their annoyance, but the joy it will bring me to see them suffer… I can’t explain it. It’s almost making me emotional. It’s like turning every vehicle into an ambulance with a built-in defibrillator. Genius. Happy Diwali every one!

Malware

What is Malware? It has got nothing to do with traditional Malayali attire. I know , I know. I was surprised too, but the internet begs to differ. Malware is short for Malicious Software. Ain’t that smart? They combined two words into one, out of which one’s bad, and the other one’s useful. Just like methlab. Depends on the way you look at it. I am in search of a good antivirus program to help protect my computer against malware. When it comes to protection who’s the real champion out there? McAfee? Durex? Kaspersky? Norton? It can’t be Norton.