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I love the extroverts

In 2010, I was a shy, Engineering student, living in Coimbatore. Most weekends, I would stay in my dorm room, and do NOTHING. Sometimes, I would go out, and get drunk. I liked to play the drums. I was good at it. So naturally, I found myself playing for one of the college bands. One day, I got a call from a guy, who tells me he’s looking for a drummer. I said YES. Long story short, I ended up playing for his band, and I had a blast doing it.

Now, lets talk about Simon. Simon is a friend from college. Simon has seen me play the drums. Simon went around town, hitting clubs, and socializing. Simon is an EXTROVERT. Simon, also liked music. Simon can talk to people. Simon is a people person. Simon has long hair. Simon is handsome, but most importantly, Simon is a good guy, because he went to a concert, and recommended me to one of the rock bands.

The next few years of my life CHANGED because of that one little gesture. I was playing in restaurants, colleges, even recorded a song. Then it all ended, but who cares? My life was awesome for a little while, and it was all thanks to long haired, extroverted Simon. I don’t even know if he’s still alive, but thank you, wherever you are.

No instagram, only wallpapers

I’m the type of person who likes to change the wallpaper on my phone or computer from time to time. It’s pure, personal satisfaction. No one else sees it, or tries to look at it. It’s just for me. Moving wallpapers are the best because…well… they move. Now, how do I promote my podcast without making it look like this whole post was made just to promote my podcast?

I peed in the bed

Not a good start to a Friday morning. What’s interesting is that, in the dream, I saw blood in the urine. Fortunately, the 10 ml of pee that I was later able to put into the toilet, did not have any frightening fluids. So I washed my clothes and the bed cover, and I left the few drops that sunk into the bed as a reminder. I went downstairs and announced my achievement to my sweet mother. I watched her face as it turned from overly concerned into a look of disappointment.

After a long hiatus, I recorded a few minutes of my voice. Daddy went solo for this one. Hope it’s not too bad.

My dependence on tech

It is getting worrisome. I actually fear the day where I will have to figure things out on my own, without the help of the internet. When they coined the term ‘internet of things’, they weren’t kidding around! It really is the internet of everything!

I honestly don’t remember the last time I asked someone for directions. I really don’t. I just type it in and boom! I’ve got the shortest route with the least amount of traffic. What about places that aren’t on a map you ask? Papa don’t roll that way, dog. Papa don’t go to no places that aren’t on a map. Lol.

This is how I view my dependence on technology: It’s like a parasite feeding on my brain. You know, like that thing from the movie, Venom. My dependence on it has grown so much over the past few years, that I get very upset when my phone or tablet starts to fail. It actually messes with my mind. At the same time, I look at one of my best friends who, doesn’t really pay that much attention to his phone or any other gadget for that matter. He seems to be absolutely fine. The only aspect about a phone that bothers him is that he’ll have to pay to get a new one when the old one dies. This dude reads a text A WEEK after I’ve sent it to him. It’s like he lives on another planet (in a way, he does. Life on the island of Maldives is a little different). Check out the episode where I interview him:

My phone has started to do something weird where it reboots by itself from time to time. I’m trying to not make a big deal out of it, but the truth is I cannot. I can’t stand a situation where I’ll be cut off from Whatsapp. I can’t. It’s weird because I am an introvert and everything, but life in 2021 needs Whatsapp. I am sorry, that’s just how it is! So what I am trying to say is, if you are that type of person who doesn’t really give a damn about your phone or the internet, realize that you are not missing out on anything. Yes, use tech to keep tabs on current affairs, and do what you need to do to stay on top of your game, but stop there. Don’t fall into over indulgence. Don’t let Mr. Zuckerberg stare into your soul with his mysterious eyes. Be free.

The little things

This is what it has come to. Something as small as a new tooth brush, an OS update, or a burger can make me happy. What caused such simple things to elevate their ability to bring happiness? Answer: Year 2020. 2020 sounds like a cool number right? Nice set of even numbers, neatly packaged. What an actual shit show it really was. 2021? Sounds very sci-fi. Still, same shit show. Now, we are in the middle of the year. In the words of the great Sarah Connor, “The future always so clear to me, had become like a black highway at night. We were in uncharted territory now, making up history as we went along”. The fate of the world is in your hands. So wash it, and wear a damn mask.

Elasticity

Today is officially the second day where I haven’t had to turn on the ceiling fan. The temperature is optimum. My balls are having no trouble making the juice. What an Engineering marvel the ball sack is, with its up and down motion. Anyway, the times are good, but I am depressed. It’s chemicals. I have a new favorite character now. The grandmother in Minari. What a beautiful human being. She had to drink a little pee, and was kind of annoying, but overall, a wonderful embodiment of positivity and good nature.

Inoculation

I never expected the vaccination-drive here to be so slow. Let me tell you, I’ve never wanted to get stabbed so badly in my life. I’ve been trying to get a damn slot for vaccination since last week. I’ve managed to book a slot for tomorrow, and not only is the place an hour away, but I also need to pay 750 Rs for the vaccine. Five minutes after I booked it, another center, about 5 minutes away from my house, began accepting registrations. Also, the icing on the cake is that it’s free. On the bright side, I listened to Steely Dan for the first time. Out of all places, I found it from a Suicide Squad trailer. Strange world. Good music.

Words, and the way they sound

Maybe it’s just me, but these words “sound” quite different from their actual meaning.

“Languish” in prison: Doesn’t this word make it sound as if the person is thriving in prison? How’s Mary? Oh! She’s languishing in the pool.

The girl had “eloped” with the man: This straight up sounds like she gave him a blow job.

“altruism”: sounds like either a brain disease or some kind of illegal brewing. What happened to Chuck? Oh, Chuck got caught in that “altruism” scandal.

Season of let-downs

The Pringles can.

A masterpiece of an invention. A pinnacle of human innovation. Packaging that keeps the contents airtight, free from moisture, nice and cozy. Look into its deep emptiness. Tell me what you see. It’s life, it’s infinity.

And then they make the lid too loose. Uh oh, that defeats it’s purpose. Someone fucked up, but I don’t complain, because the contents are chemical slices that will last a lifetime. Today the sky is cloudy, the crisps are soggy, life is momentarily disgusting.

Two-factor authentication

If you are like me, and use your Facebook account to log in to your Spotify account or any other service for that matter, you might find this post a little interesting. Now, two factor authentication, in case you don’t know, is a safety measure most companies have adopted to give it’s customers an added layer of security. What it does is, it does not allow you to log in to your account merely by using your username and password, but rather it sends you a text on your cellphone to verify if it’s really you who is trying to log in. Pretty neat trick. For some reason, our friends at Spotify don’t care about this, and so they have not implemented this feature. You can see why it is causing me a lot of headache, especially when I get an email one day, saying someone from Nigeria has logged in to my Spotify account. The first thing that came to mind is “what is he going to do? steal my playlist?”, but then I realized I have my credit card information stored on that account. So I email the guys at Spotify, letting them know what happened. The guy writes back saying “everything is okay”. He then follows to bullshit me on how much they care about my security. What’s interesting about all this is that Facebook (the app that I used to log in to Spotify) does have two-factor authentication. Somehow the hackers bypassed Facebook’s security mechanism to get access to my Spotify. So what I’m trying to say is, we’re fucked.