Mean stage

When someone performs on stage in front of people, they really are putting themselves out there. Open to question, open to praise or even abuse. 

What makes someone want to perform in front of people? (This is coming from someone who is terrified of general social interactions. So forgive me if my analysis is a little skewed. Wait…I just remembered. I don’t give a shit what you think).

  • To get attention
  • To make money
  • To raise money for a cause
  • To have a good time
  • To make people happy
  • To show off
  • To get feedback
  • To teach
  • To spread joy

There’s so much more and I just realised that I don’t want to talk about all of them. So I am just going to stick to one. ‘Feedback’. Why talk about feedback? Well, I was at a solo instrumental competition the other day and I saw the soul get sucked out of the participants.


Mean Stage

So what exactly caused the soul to exit the participants bodies?

It had nothing to do with the audience. There was a panel of three judges who basically wrecked the musical careers of some young people. The way I see it, when someone goes on stage for the first time in their life, in a way they are walking onto a platform, butt-naked. They are frightened, they don’t know what to do. All they want is to play their part and get the fuck out of there. If possible, get some feedback too. If they are lucky enough, they get what they want. But in some cases this shit happens. The judge feels a sense of responsibility to single handedly humiliate the first-timer in front of the whole crowd. To make it even worse, the other two idiots( also students of his) partake in making jokes while the participants are performing.

‘Constructive criticism’. Doesn’t that word actually sound good?  It feels good just to say it. ‘Constructive criticism’. Everyone wants it. Everyone needs it. It is the best thing you can give someone. Yet this ass-wipe judge felt the need to scar the vulnerable new-comer for his entire fucking life. The worst part is that this judge is an accomplished professional musician. I don’t understand how can one be so foolish. What kind of a person takes pride in shutting someone down? Is he trying to show off his judging skills? Has he forgotten his roots? Has he gone insane?







15 years ago one Friday evening I realised that I’m addicted to cake. I came home from school, opened the fridge and to my surprise, there was a giant, round pineapple cake just sitting there as if the universe had sent it to me. Back then, my interest in eating cakes was no greater than prof. Stephen Hawking’s interest in watching the Kardashians. I would try one small piece out of curiosity and regret it immediately. But times change, people change (Not my boss though. That motherfucker takes the Lady Gaga song, ‘born this way’ waaaay too seriously).

One slice and that was it. I was hooked. From that day on, I ate one slice everyday after dinner. I fell into an endless spiral of depression after I had the last slice. My mom thought I was losing my mind. I was underweight at the time. I tried a different cake but it just wasn’t the same. But soon I forgot about cake. Fast forward a few years. Sister comes home one day with something called a ‘Mousse cake’. It was like instinct. After locking my sibling in the kitchen I went to a corner of the house and ate the whole thing.

I lost my train of thought. How do I end this? How about a neat rhyme from the 90’s?

Good times

2018 is here! So many things to look forward to! Michael Bay has confirmed 14 more Transformers movies! Why?

Here are the highlights of the adventure that was 2017(highlights of my life. I don’t give a shit about others but feel free to comment!)

I have friends now. Real people. No bullshit, down-to-earth human beings who have a good sense of humour.

I don’t freak out at social events.

I have stopped talking to my sister. It’s my fault.

I have started talking to my mother. She seems like a very nice person. For now.

Discovered that my worst fear is not ‘Valak’ from the Conjuring, but unfaithfulness. This was confirmed after watching ‘The Entire History of You’.

Put a check on my YouTube addiction. Its great but it was consuming a huge chunk of my life. I used to be dependent on YouTube the same way people are dependent on Uber on New Years eve.

Stopped talking to colleagues. Working on it.

Got my own place. Its so empty that farts sound like a Gregorian church choir.

Joined a band. I don’t feel like an orphan anymore.

I have a good feeling about 2018. A vision is slowly becoming clear. I feel a warmth in my heart. Or it might just be a stroke.


A lesson in eating

‘Tis the season to be jolly! You know what else ‘Tis the season of? Food! Lots and lots of it! Juicy turkey, sweet potatoes, brussels sprouts, cake, yum yum! After the meal, every once in a while someone in the house will say, “I’ve made something special for this Christmas. Try it and let me know how it is”.

People, let me give you some valuable advice. Whoever is reading this, understand that I care for you. I appreciate the fact that you have taken the time to read my blog. Which is why I am sharing this secret with you. Get ready for this.

DON’T. You hear me? DON’T EVEN TOUCH THAT PIECE OF CRAP. If they force it, try threatening them with allergy, nausea, etc. If that doesn’t work, try “Fuck you. I deserve better”. This “special dish” has the potential to ruin your whole meal. This shit will go so far as to disrupt the whole fabric of space and time. It will destroy peace negotiations between countries. It will be so traumatic that you will start to experience night terrors. It might be so bad that you will have to go back home, get something from your fridge and wash your mouth down. I washed my mouth with these babies


Merry Christmas!

Brace yourselves. They’re here.

The BBC uploaded a UFO sighting video on YouTube today. I was surprised to see that it was only the 35th one in the list of trending videos. I guess people are more concerned about important Earthly matters. I get it. Even I was concerned about why Green Lantern wasn’t in the new Justice League movie. I really felt let down.

Usually people go crazy about UFO sightings when its caught on a shitty camera and uploaded by someone named “UFO hunter 32”. Now we have legit footage and no one gives a shit.

I had a funny thought. Suppose the UFO was actually identified as a extra-terrestrial vehicle, I don’t think people would still give a shit unless it affects them directly. Don’t get me wrong. I am not a big fan of UFO conspiracies. According to ma man Neil deGrasse Tyson, the “U” in UFO stands for “unidentified”. That’s where your discussion should stop. It would be wrong to say “I just saw a UFO. I think it was aliens”(which is exactly what they say at the end of the video. Pretty ironic).

So they say the event took place in 2004, there was a government body investigating such events, it could be countries spying on each other, the UFO seen in the video was manoeuvring itself with such ease while conventional aircraft would find it difficult to do so under such high wind speeds, blah blah blah. I am just like everyone else. Deep down, I would be really excited if there was evidence to prove that some of these are actually visitors from outer space. I have so many questions for them.

First of all, where do you come from?

Do you know who/what made us?

Our planet is dying. Can you help us?

Is it weird that I wish to watch climate change deniers get struck by gigantic bolts of lightning?

What happens after one dies? Is it nothingness or is there something more?

What is your opinion about the Marvel/DC universe?

At the same time, the whole idea also scares the hell outta me. Because obviously one would wonder if they come in peace or ready-to-fuck. If they have the capability to make the inter-planetary trip, they have got to be much more technologically advanced than us. However, in all honesty, do you know what’s much more scarier than all of this? Unemployment.


One of the most awesome characteristics of planet Earth is that it has an atmosphere. Thanks to it, we are able to communicate with each other verbally (sound requires a medium to propagate, which in this case is air). We evolved to develop ears only because there was air in the atmosphere.

Well, what if there was no air? How would we communicate? Most people would ask how we would survive without air in the first place. I am talking of a hypothetical situation where we would be able to survive without it. Who knows? Maybe there’s a planet out there with no air. Imagine a thunderstorm with no sound. Such a waste!

The first thing that comes to mind is sign language. I  wonder how much further we would have advanced from simple signing. For example, with, sound, we began by making simple noises, then advanced to simple words, then sentences and so on. Now we have cell phones, voice recorders and Daft Punk. What if we had advanced the same way with something like sign language? I am guessing facial expressions would play a much greater role. The conveyance of feelings would be a thing? (anyone who watched The Arrival can relate). I can imagine a world full of professor Xs walking around in silence yet communicating with each other just fine.

The environment directly influences the way we evolve (perfect time to bring up environmental awareness but who gives a shit). What if there exists a planet with a  completely different type of environment inhabited by completely different beings? How cool/nightmarish would that be?