I am now at a point in my life where I have completely lost the ability to socialize. Yes, its 100% gone. I did it! Woo hoo! Feels great. I feel like I deserve a medal or something. Or a hug. I prefer the hug over the medal actually.
I tried. I gave it my best. How can you conquer something that deep down you know you don’t want? I have begun to really really like not talking to people. I am very happy by myself. Ha ha. But it worries me because I know that’s not good.
I am curious about the universe, science, marketing, entrepreneurs, comedians, music, economy and (almost forgot)people.
-end of Tinder profile
I cannot explain in words how amazed I am at the fact that something so magnificent such as a giraffe and I share the same planet! Here’s the latest addition to my list of extremely curious things- ME
I am now at a point in my life where every single month I learn something new about myself. I feel like that should over time increase to every week or every day. Although slowly, I am learning from my mistakes. I am getting better.
Random things that I learnt:
Misconception- Moving to a completely new place and starting a new life is scary. Only the thought of it is scary. In reality it is the most awesome thing ever.
Travelling is the cure to everything.
Human emotions are contagious- If you find yourself feeling down most of the time maybe try surrounding yourself with positive people(its not easy but give it a shot).
People talk about setting goals and working towards that goal. Maybe it works for some people. I never really understood it. What do you do if you have absolutely no clue about what to do with your life? You keep looking. That’s what you need to do. That’s why its important to stay curious.
I have a lot of suppressed anger. Gigantic explosions compressed and locked away in the bottom of my mind. Lately I noticed that this anger has started to escape in the form of rare, mild eruptions. Sadly, it is the people who I genuinely care about who have to deal with these eruptions of mine. So I decided to channel all this excess anger into a more productive routine. In other words, I decided to let it flow! Boxing of course did the trick. Kick-boxing to be precise. And boy does it feel good!
I know this is only a temporary fix or maybe not even a fix at all but it sure feels damn good! According to my trainer, I am good at it too! Here are a few things that I found useful for training:
This is going to get a little dark so this is probably where you should stop reading and head on over to the other “travel” blogs(I will do the same right after I finish writing this crap).
a) Don’t stop training
b) This one’s typical. Imagine that your punching bag is the person you hate the most. It helps if you have a list of people at hand because the same person everyday gets boring real fast! PS: Keep a check on the amount of hate. Too much will lead to bleeding knuckles, broken nails, a lot of bad stuff.
c) See to it that your trainer is always with you to keep you motivated. (I got a crazy ex-army maniac).
d) Do not fear people. You are the king….okay now its going off topic.
Having said all of this, I would like to reassure the reader that everything is okay with me and everything is gonna be okay with you. Trust me. Here’s a song as proof:
A little science wont hurt:
I was on a bus on my way to watch a movie (interestingly, most of my enlightening moments happen during bus rides). I was running late. Life wasn’t too good at the time with just two friends- depression and loneliness. A middle aged man got in the bus and walked towards me. There were no seats left. He had a weird smile on his face. He asked me something in Bengali which I did not understand (I could have if I wanted to). I think he was asking me if I was going to get off soon. I think he wanted to sit down. Since I was not feeling great and was also in the middle of checking the cinema’s location, I simply told him, “Sorry, I don’t speak Bengali” with an expression that implied “leave me alone”.
Lets go back a year. I was in a different country. I was in a bus (again!). I was running late(again!). I asked a woman for directions. She looked tired and frustrated. She did not understand me the first time. Then she replied, “Sorry, I don’t speak Indian”. I felt really bad because I had asked in English.
By now you probably know what I am getting at. I understand that frustration causes people to do bad things. Sometimes, it takes a lot of effort to keep it under control and do the right thing. I had this realization during my bus ride to the cinema. Unfortunately it happened after the guy got down from the bus. I thought to myself, “Fuck! I did the same thing!”. By that time I had missed my stop and I missed the first half hour of the movie. Worth it!
You know what I want to think of myself? As a human being. Because, I mean I don’t want to be like “As Confucius say,” but under the sky, under the heavens there is but one family. It just so happens man that people are different – Bruce Lee
Here is the story of Saji Thomas, a silent engineer.
Click here to read story
I have a problem with such stories. They hurt me. The thought that this visionary could hold the key to the future of flight and is unable to do so because no one cares about him is saddening. However, knowing that he fought hard and came this far makes me very happy. After I read such stories, I usually gain a little confidence. However I normally disregard the person in the story. All I care about is gaining confidence. However, this time things are a little different. This time, a friend of mine is interviewing Saji Thomas! Though not directly, I can ask him anything! I can learn a lot from him. I might even be able to help him out with whatever crap I know. I am super excited!
I thought about how different our lives are. I literally live off of sound!(I work in this field). I cannot imagine a life without music. I am awe struck by the wonder that is sound. It hurts me to know that there is no “sound” in Saji’s life. There is no music. Or is there? Though we are worlds apart in that way, I believe that we share an interest in engineering. It is this fact that fascinates me the most. I am curious about how differently his mind works from mine. This is precisely what I wish to ask him.
A few days ago I was sitting in the back of a bus, thinking about the project I was working on. “Stereo sound widening”. I thought about how awesome the human hearing system is. Then I began my usual questioning spree. Why are our ears on the side of the head? Why couldn’t they be in front like he eyes? The eyes would have been better off at the sides of the head! Then I wondered how bats see. Contarary to popular belief, bats are not blind. However, in the night they use echo location to navigate. It would be so cool if their brain was constructing visuals based off the sound. Why don’t we have that?! We’re stuck with these shitty looking ears. (Actually, no. They are amazing in their own way!)
I looked at the other people in the bus. Evteryone were in their work clothes. They looked tired. Everyone looked sad and exhausted after a hard day’s work. What if an alien was there in the bus? How would it feel sitting right where I am sitting now? How strange would the human form be to it? Would it understand that people are going back from work? What would its life be like? Wait a minute… Why the hell am I thinking about all this? Do I actually belong here? Aha! Maybe that’s why I feel like an outcast all the time. Maybe deep down, I am not one of them.
I appreciate everything.
I appreciate life. For some unknown reason each of us are given ONE chance to do something great. ONE chance to make at least one person happy. ONE CHANCE. Life is the best teacher in the world. Life teaches using time. I care about the past but I do not cling to it. I learn from it and then I let it go.
I appreciate science. I wonder if people think about how the simple things in life actually work. For example, how does one manage to stand upright? Bones and muscles operate using sophisticated methods to keep the body upright. Different types of muscles push and pull parts of the leg like a fucking well oiled super advanced machine just to make it stand upright!. Tip: Watch how Terminators and transformers walk.
Don’t even get me started about bikes! In my opinion, they are marvels of innovation. You see people ride them everyday. I wonder how many people actually know how the balancing mechanism works. I believe that everyone should have good knowledge of the things we use daily, our environment, our body, etc. so that we can maintain it better.
I appreciate the work that goes into making movies. Even if I watch a bad movie, I think about the good parts in it. I think about how the bad parts could have been made better. I don’t sulk about how bad the movie was. I don’t care if the movie had a bad plot. I would still like it if it was “well made”. I pay attention to the camera work, the background score, actor’s emotions, etc. I super-appreciate the director’s ability to convey the emotion of a scene. When someone makes a movie and releases it to the public, he or she is literally beaming their thoughts into our minds for us to work upon it. That is some next-level communication! I think that is just awesome.
Last but not least, I appreciate the stars in the night sky. I don’t know why but they give me hope. They make me happy. I could look at them forever. Mysterious objects floating in space. Looking at them makes me question the reason for my very existence.
I wonder how many people stop and wonder about things like this that we take for granted. Curiosity is in our DNA. I think it would be a crime to suppress it. We shouldn’t feel afraid to question anything.