I am now at a point in my life where I have completely lost the ability to socialize. Yes, its 100% gone. I did it! Woo hoo! Feels great. I feel like I deserve a medal or something. Or a hug. I prefer the hug over the medal actually.
I tried. I gave it my best. How can you conquer something that deep down you know you don’t want? I have begun to really really like not talking to people. I am very happy by myself. Ha ha. But it worries me because I know that’s not good.
Time is one of the most precious things in the world
Time will heal
Time IS money
blah blah blah. If it’s so important then why do we still waste it? Why do we waste time staring at the stars? Wait, what? You don’t? There’s something wrong with you dude. Get the fuck out of my blog after hitting the like button.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like to waste time (I keep telling myself that). Before I do anything I ask myself, “is this going to be productive?”. And yet I find myself wasting a lot of time doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am a pro at that. Sometimes I sit alone and think. And when I think, time(for me) flies. I don’t understand how time can just speed up for me while it stays the same for others. What’s worse is that the damn thing slows down whenever I want it to speed up. So let me get this straight. Time speeds up whenever I do something I like and slows down whenever I do something I hate. Thanks a lot, life.
I guess its all about individual perception. One “feels” the passage of time depending on “how” one decides to spend it. There you have it. I have just given you the key to immortality. You are welcome. And all it took was just a few YouTube videos.
Okay. What if I constantly keep doing things that I like? (strictly hypothetical). Everyday I would wake up and go back to bed with no clue about where all the time went. Hours, days, months would pass by so quickly that I would loose track of time. One fine morning I would wake up and wonder what happened to my life. That’s scary!
Enjoy these comics too!
Let me first make one thing clear. I love space. I am fascinated by it and I can’t stop thinking about it. Maybe its because I feel like I don’t belong here. Any way… in spite of my fascination with the unknown, I don’t know anything about it! I haven’t read any books about it nor have I tried to study it. All the information I’ve gathered is from watching scientists talk on YouTube.
What intrigues me is the general public’s disinterest in space and space exploration. If you go up to a person on the road and ask him what he thinks about space and the importance of space exploration, this is probably the answer you would get-“There’s a sun and planets revolve around it. We have a moon going around us too. No one really knows for sure what goes on out there. We’ve got more problems here on Earth to deal with”. And I totally agree with this. We’ve got a hell of a lot problems here. There is suffering, pain, injustice, torture, climate change, overpopulation, poverty, unemployment, crime, disease, etc. They are all very worrisome. A normal person would ask why the hell should we spend money and put in effort for space exploration if it has no guaranteed results? Instead, why don’t we solve the problems here on Earth that might have practical solutions?
I’ve asked myself these questions several times. There are fundamental questions that each and every one of us have in our minds. Who are we? Where did we come from? Why are we here? From what I understand, the answers to these questions lie out there in space. I don’t think meditation is going to give us the answer! The amazing thing is that we make discoveries all along the way. Necessity is the mother of all inventions. You will be amazed to see how space exploration has indirectly affected our lives. Most of the technology that we use on a daily basis have been developed based on the research undertaken for space exploration. Read about it here.
It is said that life began in water. Then it moved onto land. It started to crawl, walk , hell! it even began to fly! That’s all good. Here’s what’s bothers me though. What if the fish never left the water? What if the aquatic animals decided to better their living conditions rather than trying to move into land? How different would the world be? Are we still fish in a pond and just don’t realize it yet? What if the next step in evolution is out there in space?
We’ve been told in science class that we live on a planet that revolves around the sun. We’ve also been told that planets, stars and other celestial bodies are “moving” in space. I accepted all these things because I was child. But I never stopped thinking about it. Just “floating” in space wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted to know how and why. What surprises me is that everyone else in my class was fine with this vague explanation. Not me. I don’t understand how people can just blindly believe what they are taught in class and not want to know more about it. How can one not be curious about the cosmos?
This is why I admire travellers. I think they follow the gut instinct without any hesitation. They work hard to experience the unknown. They have no boundaries. They are the real explorers. Can you believe that there are people willing to take one-way trips to outer space? Curiosity has no limits. Curiosity rules!
I attended a literary festival today in good old Kolkata. The theme of the event was “Women in writing”. So just as you would expect, there were a loooot of feminists there. Soooo boooring(just kidding!). Very good looking feminists though. “Interesting people” is what I am trying to say(I did not speak to a single person there). Three great women spoke on the issues faced by women all over the world. Man! It was an eye opener! It is a known fact that girls are being trafficked all over India but this event gave me a better insight into what goes on in their family and what leads to them being sold off to pimps. I learned a lot about the struggles women face in their careers. Instead of concluding the event just by talking about the issues, the speakers tried to make suggestions on how to solve the problem. They explained the importance of good parenting and treating people with respect. It got me thinking…I should be knowing a lot about the struggles faced by women because I have a mother and a sister. Most importantly, I have been to school! Yet I know more about these issues from YouTube videos! There’s something terribly wrong here. Anyway I am glad I attended this event. Makes me feel I did something worthwhile on Republic day.
While the event was going on, I got hungry. You know.. with all the information overload. So I got this:
Its called Papri chaat
This thing changed my life! That’s two life changing events in one day.
I have a lot of suppressed anger. Gigantic explosions compressed and locked away in the bottom of my mind. Lately I noticed that this anger has started to escape in the form of rare, mild eruptions. Sadly, it is the people who I genuinely care about who have to deal with these eruptions of mine. So I decided to channel all this excess anger into a more productive routine. In other words, I decided to let it flow! Boxing of course did the trick. Kick-boxing to be precise. And boy does it feel good!
I know this is only a temporary fix or maybe not even a fix at all but it sure feels damn good! According to my trainer, I am good at it too! Here are a few things that I found useful for training:
This is going to get a little dark so this is probably where you should stop reading and head on over to the other “travel” blogs(I will do the same right after I finish writing this crap).
a) Don’t stop training
b) This one’s typical. Imagine that your punching bag is the person you hate the most. It helps if you have a list of people at hand because the same person everyday gets boring real fast! PS: Keep a check on the amount of hate. Too much will lead to bleeding knuckles, broken nails, a lot of bad stuff.
c) See to it that your trainer is always with you to keep you motivated. (I got a crazy ex-army maniac).
d) Do not fear people. You are the king….okay now its going off topic.
Having said all of this, I would like to reassure the reader that everything is okay with me and everything is gonna be okay with you. Trust me. Here’s a song as proof:
A little science wont hurt:
I attended a concert yesterday. It was a fusion of Scandinavian folk and Bengali folk. Never knew they would blend together so well! Anyway, I took a bus home. It was a local bus in a very poor condition(the kind that guaranteed adventure). The tickets were made of re-used paper. The incomplete sentences on the back of my ticket made my day.
I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. I am talking about casual talk. I can’t hold a conversation for more than a few minutes. Either one of us gets bored quickly and the conversation fades. I’ve been trying to fix this for a long time. I tried to fix it only because I wanted to feel normal. What’s weird is that I never realized that I am not good at talking to people until now. Up until now I never had to put in effort to make friends. They came in plenty at school! I am in my late 20s now. I am still close friends with my college mates. However, now we live in different parts of the world and that fucking sucks.
For the past few months, I’ve been forcing myself to start conversations with random strangers. Funny thing is that it worked. Almost everyone I talked to responded very well. It is what happened afterwards that I didn’t like. I quickly got bored of the talking. So I modified my approach. I blurted out only the important things and then I walked away. Ha ha. Weird and proud!
I’ve stopped trying so hard because I found out that deep down, I don’t really care. I’ve realized that I enjoy being alone, doing things only I like. I keep myself company. Going to watch movies alone has opened up a whole new world for me. I now immerse myself in the movie. I don’t have to worry about weather the other person likes the movie or not. You might think that I am trying to fill the void in my life by doing all of this but no. I know what its like to be with someone. I know what its like to be with a group of friends. It doesn’t quite work for me anymore. Then why blog about it? Well, its because I am not entirely sure if what I am feeling is right. Initially the title of this post was “I am not good at talking to people and its okay”.