I only use my comedic powers for good. So today, when a mean little looser tried to shame me on Reddit, I practiced restraint. I prayed to God, to give me the power to forgive. I meditated, and then I came up with a great comeback that attacked his upbringing. In the words of the great Colossus, “Four or five moments, that’s all it takes. To be a hero. Everyone thinks it’s a full-time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime, there are only 4 or 5 moments that really matter. Moments when you’re offered a choice. To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend… spare an enemy. In these moments, everything else falls away.” So I closed the window, and instead chose to share it with my six hundred loyal spam bots. A small step for me, one giant leap for my ego. Randomthoughtbeam out.
The ability to leap out of a pit full of depression takes courage and hard work. No one likes uncertainty in life. Stability is a dream, high up in the mountains. I am more scared that I do not care about the uncertainty in my life. The thoughts that envelop my mind are short sighted.
Here’s a dumb thought: Maybe the introduction of a companion will help bring purpose in life.
Here’s a better one: A companion can may be a good influence.
I ate a cookie today that was so inexplicably delicious, I would even call it the next evolution in biscuitry. The Dark Fantasy, Choco Nut Dipped. I’m not kidding, that’s what it’s called. Choco Nut Dipped. It’s like, they didn’t even bother completing that statement because who the fuck cares? They knew that once you were in, you’re in. Dipped? Dipped in what? It could be dipped in paint thinner, but it doesn’t matter now because it tastes phenomenal. Who in their right mind would dip a cookie in chocolate, and then put even darker chocolate inside it? A magician. That’s what it is. A magician made it. He likes to give you a surprise. And about the whole nut thing…who really cares right? Everything is nut this and nut that. People are nutting everywhere.
The chocolate on the outside is like an ocean of freedom. Do you see the waves? You have to ride it. A sea of opportunities. Do you know why it’s round? It’s cos you can fly in any direction. Science. Facts. I ate a whole pack of it. 50 Rs. Don’t care. Papa’s rich.
PS: Cadbury can go suck dick.
I’ve been blogging for five years, so I thought I’ll write something for WordPress.
You have been something. I don’t know what it is, but you definitely have been something, a big part of my life. Opening up to people is a nightmare, and you filled in that gap nicely. You have been part of my doom and gloom, helping me encapsulate all that negativity into a neat little ball, and leave it there for safekeeping.
I have grown. As you can see, I have now begun writing letters to inanimate objects.
I need a new name for my podcast. Help me pick one, despite the fact that I am a total stranger, and a possible lunatic.
Talk to Carl
Wait… Carl can’t answer your calls because his iPhone didn’t come with a charger.
I can speak my mind. It is my special place to showcase ideas, share thoughts, and gather information.
A friend told me he uses his blog to express his innermost feelings in the form of words, but leaves it open to the world to interpret it in whatever way they wish. So naturally I called him gay, and blocked him.
Isn’t it ironic that meditation is about mindfulness, and not about mindlessness? To achieve mindfulness, your mind has to be devoid of all thoughts which is essentially mindlessness. If a mind does not have any thoughts, space and time ceases to exist. There is no clarity because there is nothing to be clear. There is nothingness. You are safe. Everything else becomes unimportant, unless a naked man walks into your apartment, and chokes you to death.
It would be really embarrassing because I have written some fucked up shit on here. Things, I haven’t told anyone. But if WordPress does come alive, I would imagine it to be like that movie Her. There would be this artificial intelligence that has a collective understanding of human behavior that it gained from reading all the blogs in the world. It would know people’s deepest darkest secrets. I’d like to call it John, because John’s a nice name, easy to say, reminds me of Jam for some reason.
So, instead of writing a blog, it would be like talking to a person, a therapist maybe, and this program would then assimilate all that data, process it, and let some other blogger ‘experience it’ rather than ‘read it’. It could be a thing, you know. I know Porn would get a new lease of life, but I feel like this would help loners like myself interact with the world, you know? Imagine sitting under a tree, on top of a hill, where there’s nothing but the sound of wind and leaves, and you are realizing what it’s like to be in one of those listening bars in Japan, or one of the oldest bakeries in Kolkata, or even Marie Curie’s tomb, if you’re into that shit.
I don’t know why I wrote that title.
All of a sudden, now there are ‘blocks’ on WordPress. People are trying to fight climate change, and WordPress decided to add ‘blocks’ to their menu. I was thinking to write some relationship advice (being the love machine that I am, I felt like the world needed some encouragement), but nope. Gonna destroy WordPress with a heartfelt fuck-you letter.
Block 3: I imagine the CEO of wordpress to be a woman in her late 40s. Her office is in a library, surrounded by porno mags. She has an ashtray, but there’s juice in the ash tray, and she yells at her assistant for putting juice inside the ashtray, but she says she doesn’t know how the juice got there, and then they all look up and see Spiderman on the ceiling reading a paper, like, an actual thesis on how the black widow spider manufactures lethal juice.
I wish to formally apologise to Google blogs for abandoning them. Nobody read my blog, but it was a pleasure to write on that white screen. My only follower was a truck driver, and she motivated me to write on a daily basis. Then one fine day, big brother WordPress showed up in the form a Youtube advert (ironic) , and before you know it, I was writing motivational posts on WordPress after deleting the Google blog because I was embarrassed about the stuff I wrote on there. And you know what? All of a sudden, the title makes sense now. I’ve gone full circle with this one.