health

Cruel

Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD) is the name of the bitch who’s out to get me. There is no treatment for this. The only thing one can do to try and control this disease is…

Exercise

Low fat diet

Less joy

So I came up with a few more innovative expansions for NAFLD

Nothing but a fucking load of dicks

National football league disaster

No ant-eater food allowed

Nice ass faulty liver too bad

Newton’s apple force for little dicks

Nosy aunt’s foot loose syndrome

Health tips by Curiosity

A healthy diet of oil, bread and cheese, over the course of two months have resulted in a net weight-loss of 15 Kg. No, it’s not cancer. I have to admit that this was accompanied by a daily routine of intense one-hour workouts while listening to Queen (I will explain in a later post how listening to Queen can help improve the production of hormones). Let’s just say some serious chiseling has taken place. I look like Picasso. Like, I literally look like him. Google it (not the young one). No offense.

It’s all about quantity, people.

Let’s talk about fruits

As a meat enthusiast, I tend to overlook, basically everything that is healthy. So this is my journey into the art of fruit-eating, after moving to North India. When I think about having a fruit, the first thing that comes to mind is a mango, because lets be honest, a mango is what paradise tastes like, not an apple, that shit sucks. But here’s the thing about mangoes. You have to pick the right one, there are so many, unnecessary kinds of mangoes out there. You have to wash it, peel it. You have to make sure there are no worms in it. Such a waste of time. I’m talkin, “raising a child”, kind of effort to eat a mango. Think about it. With all the time and energy you’ve wasted eating mangoes, you could have easily raised a child. I know…I’m blowing your mind right now. This is why I don’t have any friends. Anyway, my life changed the other day when I tried these

IMG_20180617_163634.jpg

They are called lychees. I know, everyone knows. They taste like fruit from an alien planet. Remember that scene in Avatar, where the guy tastes the alien fruit for the first time? The movie sucked bigtime but the fruit was kickass. I imagine it would have tasted something like this. What blew my mind is, there’s no work involved in eating these things. You make a crack in the shell and then pop it into your mouth. Then enjoy as paradise melts. Now, guys, isn’t that the way life is supposed to be? Simple and satisfying? Am I asking for too much here? So kids, what I’m really trying to say is, a lychee is still a great tasting fruit without all the complexities. Be like lychee.

A letter to my liver

Hello there my old friend. I hope things are better now. I hope you haven’t turned black or anything. Despite living together for 27 years, I still don’t know you that well. Granted, I never took you seriously until the doc warned me of “abnormalities”, which freaked me the fuck out. I had no clue I was literally killing you, back in college. I didn’t realize all that pizza and beer, and waking up at random places would take a toll on you. Mmm…pizza and beer. Anyway… It’s Friday night. Soo many reasons to celebrate!  

i) I didn’t get fired

ii) I Joined the gym

iii) A mountaineering expert has agreed to accompany me to the hills of Nepal. Although something as small as crossing a road causes her to gasp for breath, she seems legit. 

So, this Friday night, I have mixed feelings because I am devoid of three things: friends, alcohol and liver disease. Anyway…who needs alcohol when you could be playing this all night long?