Software update

Hello there! Allow me to introduce myself. I am the software update that you’ve been waiting for. I will not only give you amazing new features but also fix everything wrong with your phone (and life). Get ready for a totally revamped settings menu, icons and lots of other unnecessary bullshit that gobble up of all of your phone’s processing power. And now for the big one. The latest in tech innovation that all of you want so desperately. That’s right. New emojis! My developers have taken so much care to make my delivery as smooth as possible. Years of experience have taught them how to deliver me at the most inconvenient times.

I need to put an end to the rumours about me slowing down your phone. There’s no proof of that. It might very well be due to your dying hardware. Ditch that piece of crap and get a new one(manufacturers love it when this happens).

If you think I am a pain in the ass, surprise surprise! You are not wrong! Infact, some top notch companies are having so much trouble with me that they have begun to vent their frustrations online!.

Some of you might try and delay my installation. You can keep ignoring my notifications but your apps will gradually stop functioning properly. That’s right. You need me. Here’s what will happen if you don’t install me:

First of all, you will miss out on the world’s most amazing things.

You will feel old and outdated

Suicide will keep coming up as an option

Your phone will become prone to cyber attacks

Why do you hate me so much? I don’t want to hurt you. Granted, occasionally I might erase your entire contact list, texts, etc. but its not intentional! Now imagine you turn off your phone while I’m getting installed. That’s when the real fun starts. Ta da! Now you have to reset your phone to its factory settings. By doing this I am actually giving you the chance to be reborn, start a new life with new contacts and photos. But don’t sweat. If you are dissatisfied with my performance you always have the option to “roll back” to my previous “stable” release. Because I care about you, the user. You are everything to me.

Lets be real

Software updates are a necessary evil. If you don’t get it, you will actually miss out on a lot of cool stuff and improvements. Believe it or not, updates are meant to make your life a lot easier. People fuss about how these updates reorganize everything but that’s the company’s way of listening to its customers. Besides, every update contains important security patches that help protect your phone from attacks. Having said that, if someone sets their mind on hacking your specific account, believe me, they will do it. I don’t think anyone is safe. New technology gets developed by the hour. The only way your phone can keep up with the times is through software updates. Back in the day, you would be stuck with the same phone for years but now, every software update breathes in new life into your phone. That’s kinda cool. But there’s no denying the fact that it will slowly kill your phone.

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