Some of the things YouTube has been suggesting me as of late is “bikini try-on videos (makes a lot of sense) a ton of podcasts, and “Van life”. And all of a sudden, living in a van is the most economical/smart/adventurous way to live. People who live in regular homes, go kill yourself cos Vanlife brings you closer to nature. It teaches you how to sleep in parking lots, and how to ask your mom for money. Also, it always has to be done solo. The moment you bring in a boyfriend, people stop watching your videos. Even mentioning the fact that you have a partner will make you lose subscribers because all the world wants is companionship. No one wants to hear about your lovey dovey life. That’s what most of us are trying to escape from. Just keep wearing short shorts and do yoga or something.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s me doing a character or do I actually believe the stuff that I am writing. Either way, have a wonderful day.
Yesterday, me and my asexual friend went on a trip to Taki, to clear the mind off of negative thoughts. The two-hour train journey from Kolkata went beautifully as I spent most of the time bombarding my friend with inappropriate questions. Then we ate a deem toast at a tea shop where the lady had picture of her dead husband doing the superman pose, hung on the wall. In a matter of moments it became clear that she was an enemy of happiness, as she proceeded to lecture us on what a big mistake we made by coming to visit this place on a rainy weekend. Then she disappeared, taking my friend’s umbrella, to go do her side-hustle pay-and-park business. Through the holes in the wall I saw her beat down on car windows like the terminator, and demand payment. I had to take a leak, there was no toilet, so I sneaked out back to a lush green landscape where there was plenty of privacy. As I was shaking down the last few drops, I looked to my right and saw a lady staring at me though the window. She was holding the window open with one hand and breastfeeding a baby with the other. I had an epiphany at that moment. I have to buy stock in Zomato. Reason being, food delivery business is only going to boom in the long term despite Uber selling its stake in Zomato, which led to its price going down. So despite feeling ashamed of seeing a side-boob, I left the backyard a confident man.
Some time ago, my psychologist suggested that I go visit some place nice, possibly with friends. Winter was just beginning to recede. It was a nice time, when the weather was not too cold or too shitty. We took a train from Sealdah. Papa likes old buildings, and this trip was filled with them. Old houses, mansions, places of worship, and trees. The place- Bansberia
Man! I could sit underneath a tree for hours. That’s a stretch. Maybe 20 minutes.
I could sit there, and just loose myself in emptiness. Natural, peaceful emptiness. You see the birds fly away, and you start to think, what the hell have you been doing for the last six years of your life. Was Michael Jackson really a pedophile? Will they reboot Johnny Quest?
Then we saw some buildings. Some of them, we couldn’t get into. Some of them let us see just the outside. Some of them, we wouldn’t dare try to enter because… well see for yourself
It’s quite certain that if you enter a place like this, you’ll probably end up leaving with a story to tell, just might not be a PG-13 one. The gates were closed, and there was a scary “no trespassing” sign on the gate. Plus the locals gave us weird looks. Not scary enough for ya? Take a look after I add a filter.
As tempting as it was, we left it.
By the end of the trip, I came to the realization that I need more of this in my life. I don’t feel like my mind has been cleared, but I feel like things are settling down. I am reminded that there’s more to life than money and computers. Oh and we ate this thing, I don’t know what else to call it but an upgraded roti. Just magical.
My friend tells this joke about us going to Goa, and starting a life there. Over the years, I noticed that she was not joking about it anymore, and instead was expecting a serious reply every time she asked me that dumb question. “When are we going?”. Now, here’s the thing. I don’t know what I would do in Goa. I could sell underwear. Nothing much to it, really. Just demonstrate how good the elastic is, and there you go, you’re an underwear salesman. This would mean I would have to get another job to make ends meet, probably something on the creative side, like a drummer for a progressive rock band, or if all else fails, a stand-up comic. All these years I’ve been trying to tell jokes in English to a Hindi-speaking audience, so that I could blame the crowd for my failure to get laughs. Why not try it out on a beach? So, going back to the whole ‘moving to Goa’ thing. I’ve seen pictures of it, beautiful ruins, sandy beaches, and attractive pubs. Looks like Dorn, from Game of Thrones. It’s a very likable place, I’ll give you that, but every time she asked me this question, I would come up with an excuse. “I haven’t saved enough money to do that sort of thing”. “I’m moving to Canada”. “I have an irrational fear of happy endings”. Something like that. Fortunately, a world wide pandemic has put all those plans on hold indefinitely. Every time I watch a Reddit live, there’s always someone with a camera, in a foreign land, travelling from city to city, exploring life. I’ve got the guts to do it, but not the balls.
What is Kumarakom, and how do you find it? Easy, you get a map, burn it, and go where the ash takes you. You see, the main reason why I’m blogging today is because I was ghosted by a very attractive woman. I spent 3 hours on a boat with my best friend (very hairy) who is getting married this week. We watched little baby ducks play in the water. It doesn’t get more manlier than this.
Now here’s a question. Is the title of this post a click-bait, or are you just a closet-pervert ?
Trying to maintain an anonymous blog is tricky. For example, people can pinpoint your location, to the very latitude and longitude, using metadata from the pictures you upload to the internet, unless you remove geo-tags from your pictures. I have nothing to worry about because the only people who are after me are angry redditors who can’t admit puppies are cute. Anyway…here’s how I spent my Sunday:
Here’s a video for you to get a feel of this South Indian paradise.
Here’s a fun list of things that have been troubling me as of late
Inability to fulfill my dreams
Deteriorating relationship with remaining members of my family
Unhealthy relationship with isolation
So I took the day off, and left for the hills
Over the years, I’ve realized that, the moment I start to fuck up my life, a whole new level of appreciation for nature emerges out of nowhere! I’ve heard people say that travelling helps clear the mind. I don’t agree with this. I think it helps to bring clarity to your thoughts. Plus, travelling is exercise one way or the other. So it’s quite natural that you feel better after travelling. I’m no scientist, just saying.
To quote the great poet Bruce Dickinson, Run To The Hills.
I spent an afternoon at a monastery, with very calm, friendly monks. I sat with them, discussed life, politics and Lady Gaga. I ate soya bean, rice, tofu, spinach, carrots, beat, noodles and corn. I felt my stomach try to reject all that vegetarian goodness, probably because it wasn’t used to pure vegetarian food.
I am now on twitter. My handle is @randomthoughtbe
Loneliness has started to creep in. So I welcomed it like an old friend, and then took it to the park, because if there’s one way to beat loneliness, it’s to drown it in a sea of people. Lucky for me, it was one of the weirdest parks I’ve ever been to. Prepare for pictures that no one asked for.
Random cottage in the middle of the park, that doesn’t let people in, hence the fresh look.
Unlucky visitor who got turned to stone by park authorities when she tried to leave the park. #parkfears
Some of the visitors were captured by park authorities before they could leave the park. They are now forced to smile at new visitors.
“They gouged my eyes out and turned me into stone, but they gave me a cap. I kinda like it here now. It’s better than my desk job at Cisco”.
Kiss fans still rocking the tongue trick
Some of the visitors who were captured tried to revolt against park authorities. They went full-on war mode.