Untag

Woke up this morning to find a ton of notifications from Facebook. To me, such a large number of notifications from Facebook could only mean one thing: I forgot my birthday. Luckily it wasn’t. I open Facebook and the first thing I see is a picture of a colleague. Photo showed him lying down on a lawn, looking at the sky. Photo was captioned ‘thinking of you’ and in it were tagged his girlfriend, his mom and you guessed it, me. Why the mom was included is a mystery on its own but lets just focus on me for a moment. I thought, “well, this is funny. I should probably go have a friendly chat with him so that I can figure out the truth behind this funny little mystery. So while having coffee I said in a calm, jovial voice, “cocksucker, why did you tag me in that waste-of-internet-space? People already think I’m gay” To which he replied,” Hey man, I was feeling happy. Wanted all my friends to know. Thought I could introduce you to my mom and girlfriend in a special way”.

So now he’s looking at me like I’m supposed to say, “Oh! that makes perfect sense. Thank you dear friend who I don’t even talk to that much”. Instead, I did that thing that I do that makes the ladies go wild. I tilted my face, smiled and said,”Un-tag me fuckstick. Or I’ll do it myself”. But with love.