The pandemic is not a good time to lose weight. It’s not going to work. You know why? Your mouth needs something to do. It needs exercise. It just can’t stay closed. It’s like that colleague who can’t shut up at the cafeteria. That shit won’t shut up until A Quiet Place happens in real life.

I haven’t been getting much sleep. So I’ll tell you a bedtime story, and then I’ll be off. A friend of mine, once on his way to write his final semester exam, fell asleep in the train, and woke up in another state, meaning he woke up about 500 kms away, where they speak a different language, also at the time, there was a spike in criminal activity in the region. So the cops were on the lookout for any suspicious looking individuals. Lucky for him, he looked the part. Once he woke up and realized that he had gotten butt-fucked (missed the station) he started panicking. He started panicking even more when the people on the train couldn’t understand what he was saying. During this panic attack his lower jaw decided to stop functioning. He tells me it happened due to some kind of mineral deficiency. So now we have a lone idiot, stuck in unknown territory, and as a bonus, cant’ move his jaw. To be continued…

Who gives a shit? The End.


Day 990 in Kolkata, West Bengal

Humidity has peaked. I can feel my face melt while walking back from work. Saw a lady talking to a scooter today. Checked for earphones/Bluetooth. No wireless audio peripherals were to be found. I repeat, no wireless audio peripherals were to be found. Conclusion: lady with awesome tattoo on left forearm was having an intimate one-on-one with a vehicle.

Body maintenance is optimal. Other than being “approached” by two gay guys, I have had no issues at the gym. Started listening to “Tool” again. Did not have trouble catching up with their latest tracks as they have not released anything since 2006.

The time is now 11:30 pm. I am moments away from fortifying myself on my miniature sleeping apparatus, where I will most likely have flashbacks of past friends and family. Operation “Kraken Release” has proved helpful in socialising. I can now hold a conversation for a record time of 2.5 minutes with colleagues. Further research is required. I am hopeful for a better, brighter tomorrow with fewer panic attacks and more cheese burgers. 

Curiosity out