social media

I feel swell

Big basket asked me today if I believe in magic. I said no, because I am skeptical of all them corporate behemoths. Be it Tata or Birla. I view them with utmost scrutiny. My reasoning? Nothing. I actually like Tata products. I don’t own a Land Rover, but I’m sure it drives like a breeze.

I have begun putting my voice out on the internet through an app called Swell. Contrary to what you may think, the app does not enlarge pictures of you. Instead, its a social media app where you post voice messages. You can talk about anything under the sun, but you can’t go over five minutes. It’s like a Twitter for podcasts, except there’s no Elon and cars involved. What makes it interesting is that the comment section is also in the form of voice recordings. So people HAVE TO speak. A nightmare for some, a dating app in the guise of social media app for others. The way people enunciate words is extraordinary. People go all out on the accents. You will hear dialects you never knew existed. Fortunately, I have not come across a channel that exclusively broadcasts fart noises, but now that I’ve put that out into the universe, I’m sure it will get made in no time.

Social media

Normal people don’t work for the media(paid). Normal people use social media to expose injustice when it happens. I think it is times like this when social media triumphs. I know it gets a bad rap for all the fake bull shit that’s on there. It is a huge problem. It demoralizes people, and spreads misinformation.

I don’t use social media much. I’ve been trying to get into it. I am not comfortable saying things on social media because overly religious and narrowminded family members exist, and I don’t want my immediate family to suffer for my actions. I can’t speak my mind on social media. I just can’t. That’s why I have to be anonymous. If I posted stuff that I’ve written on this blog on my Facebook, that’s it, relationships will end.

However this is also a plus side of social media, because if my view points are wrong, then I get called out. Then it’s up to me to decide weather or not to change.

How to gain more followers on Twitter

Depending on what route you are willing to take, there are two ways to do it. The slow route is, you tweet relevant, interesting content. People say ‘be yourself’ alot. I think that’s bull shit. I would say, be yourself, but watch and learn from others, and develop your own unique way of delivering content. That’s the slow route. The fast route is, tweet something horrible, like really horrible. Maybe you have to learn to say something horrible, but some people are just born with that gift. So say something so horrible that it upsets 90% of the human population, and pick a war with someone famous on Twitter(remember to tag them). Then you do a whole bit where you undergo a self-introspection phase, and then you achieve enlightenment or whatever. The rest will be a walk in the park.  It might even get you a movie deal, or a book deal at the least. Don’t believe me? Check out my massive following:



Sensitive stuff

Some topics are best left untouched because you know… people get offended when you talk about them. But enough is enough. Stuff like religion, gender and race always seem to upset people. I’m gonna talk about something far more “interesting”.


A few things come to mind when I think about selfies:

a) People are free to do whatever they want as long as it doesn’t harm others. If it’s selfies they want, let them have it.

b) Why do you need to take a picture of yourself while crossing the road man? What’s missing in your life? Need someone to talk to?

c) She looks cute. She deserves a selfie. She’s not hurting anybody.

d) Do you really need to take a selfie in an Uber when you know that the expressionless half-face of the other passenger will be included in your photo?

I was in a flight the other day when I saw a phone sticking out from the side of one of the seats. It looked like the guy had trouble seeing his phone’s screen, and was trying to move it back and forth to see if it would become clear. Turns out, this fucker was taping an air hostess who was giving safety instructions. Just saving memories I guess. Head air hostess snuck up from behind him like a crouching tiger and jumped on him. She said, “turn it off”, politely. Not how Macaulay Culkin’s dad asked him to “turn it off” in Michael Jackson’s Black or White video. It was more like, how your mom asks you to “turn it off” and go do homework (little did she know about the forbidden computer loaded with porn, safely hidden in the study room). Anyway, this dude complied, sort of. He stopped recording others and started taking selfies. That made me think. People really seem to like photography. They also seem to love to “share” photos with the public. This obviously includes selfies. So what is it that makes people want to post pictures of themselves on the internet? Is it the likes? the comments? or is it just an online photo album, like we had physical photo albums back in the day? I came across an interesting point on the internet the other day. Although I believe people are free to do whatever they want with their life, I couldn’t get this point out of my mind:

Some people have nothing better to offer the world than fake pictures of themselves.

Sounds harsh but isn’t it true in a way? They didn’t upload a poem. They didn’t put in the effort to write something useful. Instead they chose to upload a picture of themselves making a face. 

I need to reorganize my Facebook.