social anxiety

What happened to me?

 

“Speak your mind man”, said my boss after discussing my salary. “Dude, if I spoke my mind you would need therapy to get your normal life back”.

Its not just him. Its everyone. Family, friends, strangers. “Speak up. Let it out”. I actually do not have any fear of speaking. It is what I say that I am afraid of. All of these people who say “Speak up. Its ok. You can tell me anything” will just run away if I start talking because I am a real person. I don’t sugar coat things. I say things as they are.

However, I also tend to say a lot of random nonsense that I consider to be “jokes”. These have some sort of a magical property of repelling people away instantly. Its quite useful sometimes.

I am extremely lucky to have a handful of friends with whom I can “speak my mind”. But fuckin “life” comes in there too and fucks it up for everybody. I wish I could live with my friends for ever. No, there’s nothing gay about it. Hell, we don’t even live in the same country anymore. 

I’ve never had this trouble until I reached high school. Because until then, my mouth did not have a filter. I used to speak my mind. It was also during this time that I had friends. Many friends. Aha! Eureka!