Long, long ago, in a small town called Topsia, lived a woodpecker named Poseidon. How did he get the name Poseidon, you ask? None of your business. I’m telling the story.
Now, Poseidon was a careful pecker, the kind that flies around with safety gear, like Tom Cruise. Poseidon’s only dream was to see his daughter get married to a industrialist named Timothy Olyphant, but alas! She was gay. News of her gayness spread far and wide, even to the nearby zoo. Now, the zookeeper of this zoo was a religious fundamentalist. When he saw two of these birds doing it at the water fountain, he lost his goddamn mind. He shooed them away.
That’s right. This guy wakes up in the morning, goes to work, and shoos away gay birds. If you thought your life was meaningless, think again and again and again.
short stories
Sophisticated short stories
Far, far away, on a magical island, at the heart of the seven seas, lived a little turtle named Timothy Olyphant. Timothy, unlike all the other turtles, had dreams of mating with ant eaters. Unfortunately for Timothy, depression took control of his life. He was pelted with nightmares of a red-eyed devil-rabbit, beating him at the Asian games at sprinting. But Timothy was no quitter. Timothy wanted to fly. So he gathered all the courage he could get, and climbed the tallest tree he could find.
The end
Random Thought Beam 