I can’t cum. I literally can’t. I know this has a lot to do with the antidepressants, but holy moly it feels weird. It’s a different kind of sad. It makes your girlfriend sad, it makes you sad, it sometimes even makes your neighbors sad. I am aware that a few changes in the medication might be able to fix this, but I don’t have the heart to tell my doctor. He’s so proud of my achievements, I don’t want to ruin it. Thinking back, I now realize why he asked me if I was single. I thought he was genuinely curious. So I happily said yes. My face lit up when I said it too. I thought it’ll make him happy, but apparently a single man in his early thirties is not exciting enough. You have to spice it up with a few mental disorders, maybe a few addictions here and there, and a resentful childhood tops it off like icing on a cake.
It feels weird because I still have “the drive”, but I just can’t cum. For someone like me, who used to jerkoff every other day, this might be a blessing in disguise, but now it’s like the tap’s closed. The fountain of youth is now a receding river.
The tether has been broken. Whatsapp now works independently on upto 4 devices. Your phone need not be connected to the internet for you to use Whatsapp on the computer. The world is changing. My belly is getting bigger, but so is my ambition. I have a bigger appetite now, literally and figuratively.
I went to buy condoms from a far away drugstore. Far away, because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life walking by judgy eyes. So I get to the shop, and I almost yell out condoms! to the guy sitting at the desk. There’s one other customer in the store. He was so shocked that he almost dropped his medicines. The whole store has now come to a standstill. Papa likes the awkwardness (only at far-away drug stores). The store-keeper comes close and (you won’t believe this) yells out condoms in an even louder voice. I don’t know how he did it, but he somehow managed to sound inquisitive and accusive at the same time. Kids, this is how immature idiots try to shame good people for doing what they feel is right. I said “yes, condoms”. For a moment there, we sounded like early humans. Condoms! Condoms? Yes, condoms. Without blinking an eyelid, without looking away from my face, he slips his hand into a cabinet, and pulls out a single pack. I got so impressed at this skill, I almost applauded him, but I didn’t because he was giving me the death stare. I have to mention that ever since he brought out the box of condoms, his hand was kept covering the box, as if it’s a drug deal. I mean, it is a drug store! He tells me “320 Rs”. He never asked what brand I wanted, how many, or even my size (rude). Lets just say I wasn’t willing to spend 320 fucking Rupees on a box of condoms. So I asked him if there’s anything cheaper, and in goes the box of condoms, back to their dungeon. It was all so quick, all I could hear was the sound of the cabinet opening and closing. This was turning into some sort of a illegal antiques trade situation. I sensed the tension, and I backed off. Went back home, and bought it off of Amazon like I do always. The reason is now very clear. Did I mention that the customer who was already in the store when I came in, was leaving the store, but he stayed behind to see all this stuff go down. I wish he’d come to my standup gigs. I never realized I have the power to captivate people so much.