misadventure

Water world

Two weeks ago, when I came home from work, I found two inches of water on my bedroom floor, living room, and another bedroom. The reason why I am able to talk about this, and remain calm is because I am on medication. We couldn’t identify the source of the leak (me, two drunk plumbers, and a security guard). My best bet is on the toilet bowl. I have seen it turn into a fountain from time to time. It’s like that elevator scene from the Shinning, except it’s shit water. I am not kidding. Water shoots up from the toilet bowl into the air and is accompanied by a loud sound, like an explosion. Now, why this happens is not a mystery. It has to do with the movement of water, and the art called plumbing. There is good plumbing and there is bad plumbing, and although I am feeling the need to make jokes of the sexual nature, I am going to refrain myself because I am feeling depressed. What’s even more mysterious is that that night, I got a call from a man with a beard. What makes it mysterious is that this bearded man always calls me when I am in deep shit. I explained to him that one of my nightmares had come true. I was sitting on a bed, surrounded by water. If a bird had come sat on my head, the portrait would have been complete. It would have looked like one of those movies on Mubi. Yet, I talked to my friend happily. I was calm. I was happy that he had called. We laughed. I made him uncomfortable with a lot of inappropriate humor. He calmed me down. Is he a messenger from God? Have I met him in a past life? Is there a mild possibility that he was my wife in the past life? Is he a guardian angel? Does he just want to profit off of my mental illness? Time will tell, but until then, I want to leave you all with a new quote I’ve been working on. “Time and tide will wait for no man”.