How to be introverted and cool at the same time

Ever get phone calls that you just don’t want to answer? Fuck it. Don’t answer it. If they keep calling, answer the phone, and make sexual noises.

When you come home to see all the neighbours sitting right outside your damn door, chilling, having a good time, and they look at you eagerly, hoping you would say something? Travel back in time, wear a pollution mask (the kind that is not easily removable), because, let’s face it, you’re already dead inside. You died the moment you saw the group of neighbours having fun, so close to your own dwelling. Their public display of togetherness and friendship shattered your heart into tiny little pieces.

If someone at work puts a hand down on your table (in a completely non-flirty way), and tries to make conversation?

a) Drop a pen, go under the table, pick it up, and never get back up

b) Turn behind, start talking to the other co-worker who you never even knew existed.