gym

A letter to my liver

Hello there my old friend. I hope things are better now. I hope you haven’t turned black or anything. Despite living together for 27 years, I still don’t know you that well. Granted, I never took you seriously until the doc warned me of “abnormalities”, which freaked me the fuck out. I had no clue I was literally killing you, back in college. I didn’t realize all that pizza and beer, and waking up at random places would take a toll on you. Mmm…pizza and beer. Anyway… It’s Friday night. Soo many reasons to celebrate!  

i) I didn’t get fired

ii) I Joined the gym

iii) A mountaineering expert has agreed to accompany me to the hills of Nepal. Although something as small as crossing a road causes her to gasp for breath, she seems legit. 

So, this Friday night, I have mixed feelings because I am devoid of three things: friends, alcohol and liver disease. Anyway…who needs alcohol when you could be playing this all night long?

 

I’ve discovered why I can’t talk to people

Colleague: “I have the kind of health issues that don’t show up on medical test reports”.

Me: “Its okay. I sometimes get awkward boners during lunch breaks. They don’t show up on test reports either”.

That sums up almost everything I wanted to say in this post.

 

In other news, I almost got killed today by a sewer pipe.

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Damn thing collapsed a second before I was going to walk underneath it. Right after it happened, the construction worker looked at me like, “well, thank god!”. I’m like,”mmmmotherfucker!. You almost crushed a living legend”.

To celebrate the fact that I escaped death today, I decided to do something out of the ordinary. Being the dare devil that I am, I decided to ‘step out’ of the house. More specifically, I decided to re-join the gym. As you all know, I am a fitness freak. When it comes to fast food, I maintain a strict ‘no burgers, no pizza’ rule on all leap years.

The instructor was happy to see me. He asked me why I quit going to the gym in the first place. I explained to him the hardships that a single, middle-class, straight, stellar looking guy in his late 20’s has to face. However, I hid the fact that I was bullied by two little girls at the gym.