I enjoy unfriending people on Facebook. If there’s some kind of hormone that gets released when you let people go from your life, I’m addicted to it.
Best things I’ve heard this week
“Facebook is a mirror. Everybody’s super pumped about blaming other people for their own shit. Technology is exposing who you are. Not changing you. Facebook is a mirror.”
“Why should you be nice to people who serve you? The obvious answer is ‘being nice is part of being human’. However, I can also imagine the thoughts that go through the minds of some of the waiters and barbers. Fun fact- both wield the power to kill you. I can’t believe people still go to spas man.”
Woke up this morning to find a ton of notifications from Facebook. To me, such a large number of notifications from Facebook could only mean one thing: I forgot my birthday. Luckily it wasn’t. I open Facebook and the first thing I see is a picture of a colleague. Photo showed him lying down on a lawn, looking at the sky. Photo was captioned ‘thinking of you’ and in it were tagged his girlfriend, his mom and you guessed it, me. Why the mom was included is a mystery on its own but lets just focus on me for a moment. I thought, “well, this is funny. I should probably go have a friendly chat with him so that I can figure out the truth behind this funny little mystery. So while having coffee I said in a calm, jovial voice, “cocksucker, why did you tag me in that waste-of-internet-space? People already think I’m gay” To which he replied,” Hey man, I was feeling happy. Wanted all my friends to know. Thought I could introduce you to my mom and girlfriend in a special way”.
So now he’s looking at me like I’m supposed to say, “Oh! that makes perfect sense. Thank you dear friend who I don’t even talk to that much”. Instead, I did that thing that I do that makes the ladies go wild. I tilted my face, smiled and said,”Un-tag me fuckstick. Or I’ll do it myself”. But with love.