I’ve been trying out this new ‘bit’ at work where I’ll go to the cafeteria, put on some fake tears and I’ll sit there, looking into the distance, waiting for someone to come sit next to me and ask “are you all right?”. Then I would put my hand on their back and ask “have you ever thought about suicide?”. Normally they would say, “oh my god! No! Why?”, to which I would reply, “you should, because I think everyone hates you”.
Most of the time both of us would end up having a good laugh unless they were actually thinking of committing suicide, in which case things would take a dark turn and I’ll have to hear all about it. However, I’ll sit there and listen to the whole story because that’s what friends do.