courage

Change is good

I feel like now is the time Kevin Hart should have put out his special, ‘What Now?’, because that’s exactly what I’ve been asking myself for the past few days. What now? What is the plan of action from here? How does my life change? Do I act like nothing happened, and stroll back into the office? It’s obvious that I won’t be able to do everything like it was before. I can’t shake hands, or gently stroke the beards of my colleagues. I can’t enjoy a night of escape at the cinema. I can’t hug the punching bag at the gym. My life is going to change. It needs to change. Change is good.

Releasing the Kraken

I had a very sheltered upbringing, because my parents felt they fucked up with their first child. I remember, as a kid, I was open, expressive and honest. I knew I was weird. I never hid it. I knew people liked me being weird. I remember once, an older cousin commanded me to bring him a glass of water. So I peed in a cup and…you get the idea. I am not proud of it but, it’s a fun story.

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Later on, all that changed. I grew quiet. I built an armour around me and I installed a filter on my mouth. I still have remnants of my old self though. Sometimes I’ll feel the urge to strike up a conversation with a random stranger when I’m drunk. The conversation goes really well until the alcohol wears off.

So now, I’m trying to release the Kraken; I am trying to bring back my old self. Turns out, it’s not that easy when you are 27 years old. People get offended very quickly. I can’t stroke a guy’s beard and tell him it “feels” good. I can’t stare into a girl’s eyes and tell her it reminds me of my dead dog. So I’ve toned down the approach. I’m trying out this new method, where I slowly reveal my weirdness and see if it plays out well. Hope I don’t get fired.

Speaking up

While coming back from work today,  I saw a hand pop-up from a crowd on the sidewalk, signalling the auto-rickshaw to stop. It was just me and a lady in the rickshaw. There was room for one more. So the driver pulled over. As the person emerged from the crowd, the driver realized that this person is a little overweight. The driver looked at her and boom! just took off before she got in. Now kids, this is where you should go,” hey asshole, stop the damn rickshaw and let her in. I’ll sit in the front seat”(this is allowed here. I don’t know why, but yes, it is allowed), but I didn’t say anything. I just sat there with words stuck inside my head, trying not to make eye-contact with anyone for fear of “conversation”. Kids, I am what they call, a pussy. But I’ll tell you one thing for sure. This won’t happen again. Yeah that’s right. Testosterone is gonna erupt the next time I see this happen 🙂 .