You know what’s the grossest thing in the world? To watch someone aggressively lick their fingers after a meal, as if they are not going to have any trouble resorting to cannibalism, when the need arises. However, given the present circumstances, and the utmost care we are taking with regard to personal hygiene, I would like to propose an amendment to the laws of culinary art.
Dynamic Etiquette Management (DEM)
As you all know, Etiquettes are gay. So you need to assess the present situation, and modify your approach. For example, I’ve begun to lick my fingers (within the confines of my home). Not just the thumb, the whole bunch. If I am cooking it, I’m licking it.
Pro-tip on how to improve the quality of your cooking:
Starve. Everything tastes better.
Do you know how to make a pure-vegetarian dish taste even better?
Add a little bit of meat
If you came here looking for a deep, thoughtful post about the negatives of modern-age “creativity”, I am terribly sorry. I believe that creativity is, and always will be the at the forefront of progress.
What I am going to talk about now, is the fucking yellow bunny on my chocolate cake. Who thought that was a good idea, huh? What the fuck is wrong with pastry-people? it doesn’t even taste like chocolate. It tastes like mango milk shake. This blasphemy has hurt my faith in humanity. Why a bunny? Was he a fan of Donnie Darko? Well, I am too. but there’s a time and place, alright dude? This shit is making me emotional. Sometimes, less is more, man.
When I’m at the gym, I think about food. Mostly pizza and burgers, but today, a culinary surprise popped up in my head. Are you ready for this?
Cauliflower/broccoli with cheese. That’s it. Hear me out. You don’t have to fancy it up with meat or sauces. Just pure vegetarian goodness. Frying the Cauliflower and putting some cheese on top would be too conventional. Lets switch it up. Boil that shit. Boil the Broccoli so that all those kickass nutrients stay inside. Then bathe it in cheese. Melt that cheese and pour it on the Cauliflower like a spaceship hovering over the Amazon. Actually, I change my mind. Fry it with some onions, pepper and salt. Don’t deep fry it. Just make it crisp enough so that it doesn’t feel like fresh vegetables. Basically, do everything that needs to be done to make it not taste like fresh vegetables.
If you want to feel good about your life, have a look at my dinner.
I’ve hit a new low
But hey, I’m still in a band 🙂