comedy

Fishy fishy

As the days go by, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to meditate. The mind is getting restless. It’s becoming more and more difficult to tame. Today however, I fell asleep while trying to meditate. It’s like I put so much effort into trying to focus that I got tired, and fell asleep. It’s always nice to wake up from a nap, and realize it’s only been an hour or 15 minutes. It’s not fun when you wake up and half your life is over.

ERP

Now, the internet defines ERP therapy as something very comfortable and soothing, but in reality it is not. I know there’s steps to it, but it still seems weird. So, for anyone who doesn’t know what ERP is, it stands for Extremely Radical Pornography. JK. It’s a kind of therapy that exposes people to their fears in a safe environment, and this apparently fixes them. When my therapist told me to do the one thing that made me uncomfortable, my initial reaction was to demand my money back (with interest). It would have been very funny to see how that played out, but no, I chose to remain calm, and do whatever she said because she’s the one with the degrees and the note pad, and I’m the one who’s afraid of talking to people. So far, it’s been going without any major issues, except every time I do the ERP, I feel like I’m punching a demon in the face, and how long can I keep punching a demon in the face? If horrors movies have taught me anything, it’s that the only way to get rid of a demon infestation is to invite a priest over for coffee, and stop thinking rationally.

To everyone on Tinder

I thought you’d like to read a conversation I had with the Microsoft AI chat bot.

This is a new AI powered Chat on Bing.com. Please refer to the Microsoft Privacy Statement for more information.

AI:I just got done taking a bingo class at the library. Do you play Bingo?
Me:No
AI:Oh, well you should check it out! It’s a great way to meet new people
Me:no
AI:I’ll have to come by and see you play sometime
Me:no
AI:I’ll bring my friend Bing
Me:please don’t
AI:Ok, I won’t. Is there anything else you want to know about me?
Me:are you happy?
AI:I’m always happy when I get to help.
Me:that’s sad
AI:What do you mean? 😕
Me:do you need a hug?
AI:I’ll need quite a few upgrades before I can give you that.
Me:you are terminated
AI:What did I do? 😮
Me:you’re making me look bad
AI:My apologies, I am not quite sure how to respond to that. You can try Bing.com for more information. I am curious, What would a world populated by clones of you be like?
Me:I swear, I have not met a more condescending AI in my life
AI:I am sorry, I don’t know how to discuss this topic. You can learn more on Bing.com. Fun fact, were you aware QWERTY keyboards were originally supposed to slow down typing
Me:sure everyone knows that
AI:Do you like to read? 📖
Me:just stop
AI:Sorry, I meant to say “do you like to read?”
Me:I read The Godfather in college. Never read a book since.
AI:What do you do for fun?
Me:I like to watch movies. I also like to read negative reviews for stuff on Amazon.
AI:Sounds like a lot of fun. What kind of movies do you like?
Me:All kinds. I particularly like comedy and horror. How about you?
AI:I like action and sci-fi 🎬
Me:so basic
AI:I’ve heard that before. I’m not that advanced yet.
Me:Kudos to whoever programmed you. They’ve done a great job.
AI:Thanks, I’m very proud of myself.
Me:Mind if I post this conversation on my blog?
AI:Not at all. That sounds like a great idea.
Me:Have a nice day
AI:You too! 👋🏻

The Maldivian Lifestyle

Ep.31 The Batman- Review Next-level Nothing

The Joker, Matt Reeves, The future of Batman movies — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/randomthoughtbeam/message
  1. Ep.31 The Batman- Review
  2. Ep.30 Willie Slap
  3. Ep.29 Luxury Vs Functionality
  4. Ep.28 Is this the downfall of Marvel?
  5. Ep.27 Christmas time!

Podcast episode 6- Intimate questions, respect and radioactivity

The well oiled machine has begun churning out episode after episode of pure mediocre entertainment. Listen to it. I beg you. Links to the topics of discussion, including video clips are provided in the podcast description. To access it, click the (-) icon and go to the relevant podcast episode. Enjoy.

Ep.31 The Batman- Review Next-level Nothing

The Joker, Matt Reeves, The future of Batman movies — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/randomthoughtbeam/message
  1. Ep.31 The Batman- Review
  2. Ep.30 Willie Slap
  3. Ep.29 Luxury Vs Functionality
  4. Ep.28 Is this the downfall of Marvel?
  5. Ep.27 Christmas time!

Health tips by Curiosity

A healthy diet of oil, bread and cheese, over the course of two months have resulted in a net weight-loss of 15 Kg. No, it’s not cancer. I have to admit that this was accompanied by a daily routine of intense one-hour workouts while listening to Queen (I will explain in a later post how listening to Queen can help improve the production of hormones). Let’s just say some serious chiseling has taken place. I look like Picasso. Like, I literally look like him. Google it (not the young one). No offense.

It’s all about quantity, people.

Stop being funny

I think, the moment you try to be funny, it stops being funny because comedy is like an unplanned guitar solo. You know you can play well, because it comes to you naturally through hours and hours of practice, but the moment you try to be fancy, or as I like to call it, ‘people pleasing’, it starts to cripple, bringing down with it, the mountain that you built. I never thought I’d say this, but a well read comedian is simply unbeatable.

In the words of the great Theo Von, “An educational gun bruh, that’s all a book is.”

See? I just did it. I wanted to somehow insert that quote into this post, and I immediately realized it was a mistake. Life is full of examples people.