I think I may have found the best thing on the internet. Adult Swim. Contrary to what it may sound, it is not porn. In fact it is better than porn in terms of massaging your brain. Contrary to what people may think, porn does not massage the brain. It ramps it up. It creates anxiety. Trust me, I’ve felt it. Doesn’t stop me from watching it though. My brain needs a little massaging right now. Do you ever get that feeling like you’ve been spending all your life trying to find something that matches your wavelength, but you never do because your wavelength keeps changing? Don’t get confused. Were’re not talking about sexualities. We’re talking about interests, hobbies, things to do! I have found mine. It is the Eric Andre show. Tried watching it a few years ago, wasn’t my speed. Now, it fits perfectly within the chaos that is my mind. It just blends in with all the weirdness. I am a happy little boy again.
As the days go by, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to meditate. The mind is getting restless. It’s becoming more and more difficult to tame. Today however, I fell asleep while trying to meditate. It’s like I put so much effort into trying to focus that I got tired, and fell asleep. It’s always nice to wake up from a nap, and realize it’s only been an hour or 15 minutes. It’s not fun when you wake up and half your life is over.
Now, the internet defines ERP therapy as something very comfortable and soothing, but in reality it is not. I know there’s steps to it, but it still seems weird. So, for anyone who doesn’t know what ERP is, it stands for Extremely Radical Pornography. JK. It’s a kind of therapy that exposes people to their fears in a safe environment, and this apparently fixes them. When my therapist told me to do the one thing that made me uncomfortable, my initial reaction was to demand my money back (with interest). It would have been very funny to see how that played out, but no, I chose to remain calm, and do whatever she said because she’s the one with the degrees and the note pad, and I’m the one who’s afraid of talking to people. So far, it’s been going without any major issues, except every time I do the ERP, I feel like I’m punching a demon in the face, and how long can I keep punching a demon in the face? If horrors movies have taught me anything, it’s that the only way to get rid of a demon infestation is to invite a priest over for coffee, and stop thinking rationally.
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I’m telling you why
Kanan Gill is coming to town
He’s charging 800 Rupees
I don’t know how to pay
I hope his standup’s still worth it
I really hope he makes my day
To everyone on Tinder
I thought you’d like to read a conversation I had with the Microsoft AI chat bot.
This is a new AI powered Chat on Bing.com. Please refer to the Microsoft Privacy Statement for more information.
AI:I just got done taking a bingo class at the library. Do you play Bingo?
AI:Oh, well you should check it out! It’s a great way to meet new people
AI:I’ll have to come by and see you play sometime
AI:I’ll bring my friend Bing
AI:Ok, I won’t. Is there anything else you want to know about me?
Me:are you happy?
AI:I’m always happy when I get to help.
AI:What do you mean? 😕
Me:do you need a hug?
AI:I’ll need quite a few upgrades before I can give you that.
Me:you are terminated
AI:What did I do? 😮
Me:you’re making me look bad
AI:My apologies, I am not quite sure how to respond to that. You can try Bing.com for more information. I am curious, What would a world populated by clones of you be like?
Me:I swear, I have not met a more condescending AI in my life
AI:I am sorry, I don’t know how to discuss this topic. You can learn more on Bing.com. Fun fact, were you aware QWERTY keyboards were originally supposed to slow down typing
Me:sure everyone knows that
AI:Do you like to read? 📖
AI:Sorry, I meant to say “do you like to read?”
Me:I read The Godfather in college. Never read a book since.
AI:What do you do for fun?
Me:I like to watch movies. I also like to read negative reviews for stuff on Amazon.
AI:Sounds like a lot of fun. What kind of movies do you like?
Me:All kinds. I particularly like comedy and horror. How about you?
AI:I like action and sci-fi 🎬
AI:I’ve heard that before. I’m not that advanced yet.
Me:Kudos to whoever programmed you. They’ve done a great job.
AI:Thanks, I’m very proud of myself.
Me:Mind if I post this conversation on my blog?
AI:Not at all. That sounds like a great idea.
Me:Have a nice day
AI:You too! 👋🏻
The Indian perspective on The problem with Apu
Just when you thought we were running out of topics, in this episode, we talk about The Simpsons, racism, comedy, Rick and Morty, South Park, Scrubs, Futurama, Mom, Schitt’s Creek and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
The Maldivian Lifestyle
Ep.32 I'm back – Next-level Nothing
Podcast episode 7- Modern-day blessings
Podcast episode 6- Intimate questions, respect and radioactivity
The well oiled machine has begun churning out episode after episode of pure mediocre entertainment. Listen to it. I beg you. Links to the topics of discussion, including video clips are provided in the podcast description. To access it, click the (-) icon and go to the relevant podcast episode. Enjoy.
Ep.32 I'm back – Next-level Nothing
A few minutes ago my manager pocket-dialled me, and I heard him fart. I am miserable and depressed, but now I think there is a God.
Health tips by Curiosity
A healthy diet of oil, bread and cheese, over the course of two months have resulted in a net weight-loss of 15 Kg. No, it’s not cancer. I have to admit that this was accompanied by a daily routine of intense one-hour workouts while listening to Queen (I will explain in a later post how listening to Queen can help improve the production of hormones). Let’s just say some serious chiseling has taken place. I look like Picasso. Like, I literally look like him. Google it (not the young one). No offense.
It’s all about quantity, people.