The cold is receding. There is joy in the air (so is covid) and a little sense of pride. Pride, that we, as a human race did it. We beat the virus. I’m just glad that it wasn’t as deadly as the black plague. I walked around town today feeling like a champion. A lone champion in an unknown city, just walking around with my hoodie on, looking like a sex offender, inspecting what the city has to offer ( as in food). Let me tell you something, the streets are crowded. It’s pre-pandemic level crowded now. People are going crazy. It’s a Friday night, and you know people have their priorities. Party, pussy, peace of mind, whatever floats their boat. What I came to realize or should I say ‘reminded’ is that I don’t really have any friends. It is at times like this that things become clear. In these moments of loneliness I get back the old me. The me, who wandered around the streets aimlessly because I had nothing do, or I chose to do nothing. But now, I feel it again, and it’s good. It’s good that I feel it again, because those little moments of loneliness are a reminder of how messed up I felt not too long ago. Also, there’s nothing a little KFC can’t fix. I just realized it’s a Saturday, so have a happy weekend.
Edit: I know the pandemic is far from over. Just go with it, let me have my moment.
I don’t feel hungry at night, and I don’t seem to understand why. It could either be the snacking after work, or it could be a melt down. I think it’s a meltdown. Either way, I’m saving money, and losing weight. So, fuck yes. Since last week, I’ve been posting about how awesome I feels now that my anxiety is under control, but let me tell you something, once the meditation stops, it all comes back sevenfold. I got lazy a couple of days. I couldn’t bring myself to sit down and meditate. The following few days were NOT GOOD.
Edit: Sevenfold is totally not a thing. It’s tenfold.
Something as simple as walking down the street was stressful. What’s even worse is that I did not know this was happening to me. The difference now, is that I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I now have a few tricks up my sleeve (thanks to a nut-eating Psychologist) to control the anxiety. It’s too soon to say that a weight has been lifted off my chest. I still feel the weight. So now when I’m walking down the street, and someone passes by, I still panic, but I know it’s going to be okay.
Ever been to a barber shop, and the barber tries to dry hump your leg? That’s a barber who doesn’t give a fuck about anything. This is what happened to me today. I sit down, and he just climbs on top of my knee like a school kid on a see-saw, and starts riding it. Not even fazed by the fact that this is borderline sexual assault, he carried away, until I had to literally wiggle him off. So I sat on that chair, deep in thought about who would win in a fist fight. I just like imagining things. I got to hand it to him though, what he lacks in respecting personal space, he makes up for in skill. This man is an artist with scissors. He doesn’t cut, he glides over the hair. Precision movements, guaranteed to never make a scratch on your body. I felt like a work of art, after all of it was over.
I think the the guys at Savlon took the name “moisture shield” too literally, because their hand wash soap actually prevents moisture from getting to the hands. I put that thing on, and my hands immediately look 20 years older.To the clean people at Savlon: I love you guys. You guys were the first to put out affordable disinfectant spray cans. But get your act together. My eczema is on your hands. Pun-galore.
After eating half a tub of ice cream, I ask myself, “did you really need to do that?” It hurts me when my mind answers, “Yes”. Because my mind justifies everything, all the ridiculous decisions it makes. It’s cold in Kolkata now. I don’t hate it. It’s like having the AC on always, but you don’t have to pay for it. Ain’t it wonderful?
Why do I get the feeling that I am going to write this blog forever? It’s nice to have a companion of sorts , just to listen to my thoughts.
Printer ink and laptop batteries. What do they have in common?
They are both overpriced
Buying a knock-off can mess up your machine
I am now a victim of a fake battery. Fake batteries are like fake people. Three ways a fake battery can fuck you in the ass:
It can fry your laptop
It can fry your charger
It might just stop working in a few months
So we end up buying original batteries. Who wins? You? Dell? The Duracell bunny? I believe all of us should approach the idea of buying fake batteries, the same way as lending money to people. Only do it if you are willing to lose it. Randomthoughtbeam out.
The trick is to not overcomplicate things. What you need is a chain saw. Cut your dick off and wave it in public. Showcase it with utmost confidence. The chainsaw aspect of it is very important as it says a lot about your masculinity.
I haven’t left out the women. Infact, I’ve even come up with a new name for you. Woman+alpha= Walpha. Get it? It’s ‘wildfire’ with an Australian accent. How cool is that?
I’m back after a year and two months. Back in Kolkata. Did I expect to return? Yes. I can’t leave my headphones behind. That’s plural headphones, like headphonesss. Am I happy about returning? No. It was my only option. So what now? Think. Deeply.
Some things have changed. There are a lot more people selling bananas. I can pickup a banana from literally anywhere. If your’e walking on the street, stretch your hands out. Boom! Banana! There’s a little less traffic. I think it’s partly due to the pandemic, and a bridge being fixed after it collapsed! By the way, remember that rhyme, London bridge is falling down? Yeah. Why?
Oh! here’s something I’ve never seen growing up in little ol Kerala. A fucking kite centre! Absolutely beautiful!
If I had the means, I would give an award to whoever came up with the title for this article: