Do the right thing

I only use my comedic powers for good. So today, when a mean little looser tried to shame me on Reddit, I practiced restraint. I prayed to God, to give me the power to forgive. I meditated, and then I came up with a great comeback that attacked his upbringing. In the words of the great Colossus, “Four or five moments, that’s all it takes. To be a hero. Everyone thinks it’s a full-time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime, there are only 4 or 5 moments that really matter. Moments when you’re offered a choice. To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend… spare an enemy. In these moments, everything else falls away.” So I closed the window, and instead chose to share it with my six hundred loyal spam bots. A small step for me, one giant leap for my ego. Randomthoughtbeam out.

New experiences

I saw this today

As weird as it looks, it is some of the most incredible moves I’ve ever seen. It’s scary, it’s cool, it’s a major workout. I was told that it is a folk dance of Bengal, Jharkhand and Orissa. Here’s a little taste

I have two new obsessions

Freak Kitchen, and The War On Drugs. Two bands, couldn’t be more far from each other in terms of sound, but both make me happy. I finished watching the Dahmer series. I love the guy who plays Dahmer. I don’t know his name, he also plays quick silver in X-Men.

The relaxation

I got a massage for the very first time in my life today. There’s something about another man touching my face that is so new to me, that it feels almost illegal. At one point he had his finger in my ear, and it was vibrating. It was vibrating because he upgraded his arm with what looked like a silver Rocketship. He strapped it onto his wrist and it began buzzing. My worst fear was getting a boner, but that never happened. I couldn’t stop giggling when he had his hands around my waist. It was very difficult to maintain a straight face throughout the whole thing. I enjoyed it. It wasn’t a full body massage. It was only from the waist up, and I was sitting on the barber’s chair. The damn thing costs 100 Rs. A haircut is 70. I understand that more effort goes into massaging. I did feel a little bit like jelly after the whole thing finished, a little dizzy, a little feeling good. I now know what it feels like, and I probably won’t do it again. The next thing I want to try is a full body massage.


Tis the season of lights, camera and action. Everyone has a bright smile on their face. Girls are wearing beautiful clothes. People stop hating noise all of a sudden. Roads turn into honking competitions. Now, I know what dreams are made of, but mine is different. A shock-collar for every driver. Every horn has a limit of one second. Beyond that, the driver gets a minor dose of electricity (Benjamin Franklin would be proud). As the time goes on, so does the intensity of electric current. What makes this interesting is that you will still find hardcore people who are willing to go through extreme pain to express their annoyance, but the joy it will bring me to see them suffer… I can’t explain it. It’s almost making me emotional. It’s like turning every vehicle into an ambulance with a built-in defibrillator. Genius. Happy Diwali every one!


What is Malware? It has got nothing to do with traditional Malayali attire. I know , I know. I was surprised too, but the internet begs to differ. Malware is short for Malicious Software. Ain’t that smart? They combined two words into one, out of which one’s bad, and the other one’s useful. Just like methlab. Depends on the way you look at it. I am in search of a good antivirus program to help protect my computer against malware. When it comes to protection who’s the real champion out there? McAfee? Durex? Kaspersky? Norton? It can’t be Norton.

New hobbies and discoveries

A new hobby of mine is rubbing the dry skin/dirt off of my groin, and smelling it before rolling it into a work of art, and flicking it. I feel like an athlete. I now completely understand why dogs smell the groin. There’s a lot to learn from the scent, however, your mind has to be in tune with nature to really understand what’s going on.

The air quality index on both my home and work computer says “polluted air” and it shows the picture of a brown leaf next to it. This could mean only one thing. It’s the AI’s way of telling us that if we keep doing this to the environment, there will be nothing but brown leaves left to wipe your ass with, unless you are into free-handing, like me.

My friends are coming to visit. I can’t wait to show them around. Mitra café, Belur Mutt, my haunted second bedroom, Saldhana bakery, Victoria Memorial, that place where I made out with a girl facing oncoming traffic, sweet shops, and old British-era buildings.

Songs from the heart

This is a song I sing when I feel sad and lonely, and I feel like there is no direction in my life. It cheers me up.

I am not a history teacher

I am not a history teacher

I feel good about my life

Because I don’t have to teach history

My life is not miserable

Eating more vegetables

I like to keep it fit ta da dum…(sexy female voices in the background)

(Tune change)

For life is sha la la la la

La la la, in the evening

(return to original)

The funny thing about history

is that it is a mystery

Why? listen carefully

We never learn from the past

No matter we always come last

There’s no sign of improvement

So go to your dad, and make a surpriseeeeeeeeeeee

I am not a history teacher