Saturday

It is 11:44 pm. I just finished eating dinner. I’m watching Youtube, and then a bug flew into my mouth. Why do these things happen? Is there meaning to all of this? I saw my ex today. I think she thinks that I still want to hit on her. Miscommunication. Where are emojis when you need them? I saw a homeless man using a dog’s butt as a pillow. It’s the same guy who years ago, was refusing to let go of a stray dog’s leg, which caused a big scene, and then my girlfriend at the time, started pulling his hand, asking him to let go, and then I was pulling her hand, you know, just to be part of the action.

I watched Top Gun Maverick. I loved it. I hated the first one. I can see why a lot of women like the first one. They’ve kept that theme going in this one too.

Pretty

The sky did this today, and I was amused for a second. It looked like my dad was going to come out and say “remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true King”, and then I start running back home to Kerala, while Eye of the Tiger plays in the background. Speaking of running cross country, I met a dude who was walking from Kargil to Kanyakumari. For people who don’t know, that’s an astronomical distance, and it totally made sense why he would spend half an hour at the Jockey store (we took him out to dinner, and on the way he made us wait while he bought underwear).

Scanning

I had to think twice before I posted this, because I had already forgotten what I had written, so the thinking had to be done twice. I cum better now. The antidepressants have had an intriguing effect on me. I don’t have the urge to go jerk off whenever I feel bored. It happens only once a week, usually on a Sunday, when the world is resting, and the birds are singing. I’ve stopped feeling a lot of things. If someone looked at me on the road, it used to give me anxiety, but now I look back at them, untill they realize staring is a visual crime. Have you ever talked to a person, and they scanned your body with their eyes? It’s usually very quick. They do it right when they see you for the first time. They scan your body from head to toe, and this gives them some sort of assessment of “who you are”. What they don’t realize is that it gives me as much information about them because it reveals how shallow they really are. Guys and girls doing it to each other, that’s different. That’s a oh la la scan.

Strawberry sugar

My strawberry jam addiction has gotten so bad that I now have to stop my hand with my other hand while I’m serving myself. Like, I have to stop myself. It’s a mental struggle. I think I have a thing for sugar. When I recommend food to people, and they reply with “that’s pure sugar dude”, I go “Yeah. That’s the point!”. My life gets extra special with a little bit of sugar it. Remember that Def Leppard Song? Pour some sugar on me! Grose. I buy the strawberry cornflakes because they have an illegal amount of sugar in it. Like, if someone examined it they’ll get caught for sugar trafficking or something.

New things

I think I may have found the best thing on the internet. Adult Swim. Contrary to what it may sound, it is not porn. In fact it is better than porn in terms of massaging your brain. Contrary to what people may think, porn does not massage the brain. It ramps it up. It creates anxiety. Trust me, I’ve felt it. Doesn’t stop me from watching it though. My brain needs a little massaging right now. Do you ever get that feeling like you’ve been spending all your life trying to find something that matches your wavelength, but you never do because your wavelength keeps changing? Don’t get confused. Were’re not talking about sexualities. We’re talking about interests, hobbies, things to do! I have found mine. It is the Eric Andre show. Tried watching it a few years ago, wasn’t my speed. Now, it fits perfectly within the chaos that is my mind. It just blends in with all the weirdness. I am a happy little boy again.

Two people

Life is a collection of experiences. Some good, some bad. Most of mine has been in the little grey area in between. I don’t really have any friends, and the closest thing I’ve got to a friend is a podcast called Tigerbelly. In it, are these people who slowly turned into my family. Yesterday, the hosts (a couple) announced they are breaking up, and I haven’t felt sadness like this in a very long time. It feels a little weird as I don’t know these people in real life, but as someone who was clinging on to a talk show for friendship, if truly felt devastating. It’s like I am going through my first breakup again. It’s so strange, this thing called a relationship, how it evolves, how it changes people. Life really is a collection of experiences.

The inflation in my life

What happens when everything gets expensive while your salary remains the same? Desperation, grief, anger. I experienced all three today when I ordered food. With the money you need to eat at a good restaurant these days, you can get a buffet back in the day. And back in the day is not too far off. I’m talking 5-10 years ago. A friend once told me about a study The McDonald’s company did in India before setting up the first McDonald’s in the country. They studied people’s eating habits, and the results are shocking. So shocking that I will not even talk about it here, because I don’t like to shock people.

Also, here’s a person who turned to stone, waiting for their Windows Update to finish.

There was a snake in the kitchen

I have never had trouble with these animals. They have never crossed my path. Just to be clear, we are not talking about a drunk guy lying naked on the floor. We are talking about the real thing. The slithering sliders. There was one such friend who came in through the window, and was dangling from the grille when a lucky man was sitting right in front of it, just passing time, unaware. It was me 🙂 . And this was when my colleague started yelling “Sarp, sarp!” (this happened at work, when people were eating at the table, to make things more exciting). No offense to him, but more than once have I come across people who pronounce an ‘f’ as a ‘p’. So I was hearing “surf, surf!”. As I was trying to figure out why this person has the unbelievable urge to start washing clothes right now, the guy sitting opposite to me motioned gtfo(get the fuck out). The snake started crawling more and more into the room, and I have never seen such a boss move, but the guys just kept eating. They would flinch when it turned its head, but they kept eating like it was normal day at the zoo. Not me, I gtfo’ed the f outta there because papa is a p when it comes to reptiles shaped like the d. The caretaker flew in like superman, and chased the snake away with his judgy laser eyes.