Brace yourselves. They’re here.

The BBC uploaded a UFO sighting video on YouTube today. I was surprised to see that it was only the 35th one in the list of trending videos. I guess people are more concerned about important Earthly matters. I get it. Even I was concerned about why Green Lantern wasn’t in the new Justice League movie. I really felt let down.

Usually people go crazy about UFO sightings when its caught on a shitty camera and uploaded by someone named “UFO hunter 32”. Now we have legit footage and no one gives a shit.

I had a funny thought. Suppose the UFO was actually identified as a extra-terrestrial vehicle, I don’t think people would still give a shit unless it affects them directly. Don’t get me wrong. I am not a big fan of UFO conspiracies. According to ma man Neil deGrasse Tyson, the “U” in UFO stands for “unidentified”. That’s where your discussion should stop. It would be wrong to say “I just saw a UFO. I think it was aliens”(which is exactly what they say at the end of the video. Pretty ironic).

So they say the event took place in 2004, there was a government body investigating such events, it could be countries spying on each other, the UFO seen in the video was manoeuvring itself with such ease while conventional aircraft would find it difficult to do so under such high wind speeds, blah blah blah. I am just like everyone else. Deep down, I would be really excited if there was evidence to prove that some of these are actually visitors from outer space. I have so many questions for them.

First of all, where do you come from?

Do you know who/what made us?

Our planet is dying. Can you help us?

Is it weird that I wish to watch climate change deniers get struck by gigantic bolts of lightning?

What happens after one dies? Is it nothingness or is there something more?

What is your opinion about the Marvel/DC universe?

At the same time, the whole idea also scares the hell outta me. Because obviously one would wonder if they come in peace or ready-to-fuck. If they have the capability to make the inter-planetary trip, they have got to be much more technologically advanced than us. However, in all honesty, do you know what’s much more scarier than all of this? Unemployment.

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Hey “fear”, lets dance

I don’t get invited to a lot of parties and if do, I refuse immediately. Its just my inability to socialise. No big deal. But I went to a party today. I went because the person who invited me put it in a very interesting way. This is kind of what she said:

“I know your issue with a large group of people. Yes, there will be some of those ‘fancy stuck-up rich people’ that you talk about but most of them are humble and best of all, they have a good sense of humour. There will be people of all ages(there really was!). There’s no way all of them will react badly to your craziness. You don’t know these people. You might never see them again. So go ahead and embarrass yourself.

So I did and… I wouldn’t say I nailed it but I sure as hell survived it. The highlights of the event were:

I did not offend anyone

I weirded-out a few but they’ll be alright

I talked to everyone

Didn’t get uncomfortable with the ladies

So I am here now. I am still alive. I am looking forward to the next party. Actually, no. Not immediately.

 

A party isn’t a nightmare

A party is practise

Communication

One of the most awesome characteristics of planet Earth is that it has an atmosphere. Thanks to it, we are able to communicate with each other verbally (sound requires a medium to propagate, which in this case is air). We evolved to develop ears only because there was air in the atmosphere.

Well, what if there was no air? How would we communicate? Most people would ask how we would survive without air in the first place. I am talking of a hypothetical situation where we would be able to survive without it. Who knows? Maybe there’s a planet out there with no air. Imagine a thunderstorm with no sound. Such a waste!

The first thing that comes to mind is sign language. I  wonder how much further we would have advanced from simple signing. For example, with, sound, we began by making simple noises, then advanced to simple words, then sentences and so on. Now we have cell phones, voice recorders and Daft Punk. What if we had advanced the same way with something like sign language? I am guessing facial expressions would play a much greater role. The conveyance of feelings would be a thing? (anyone who watched The Arrival can relate). I can imagine a world full of professor Xs walking around in silence yet communicating with each other just fine.

The environment directly influences the way we evolve (perfect time to bring up environmental awareness but who gives a shit). What if there exists a planet with a  completely different type of environment inhabited by completely different beings? How cool/nightmarish would that be? 

Comfort zone

I got a call from a cousin recently. Its one of those cousins that you know, calls once every three or four months to show that he cares and shit. But this time the conversation went a little differently. 

How’s everything? How’s work? How long have you been working there? Are you getting paid well? Do you think that’s good enough for you? Wait… let me tell you this before you even answer. No, that’s not good enough for you. You have to aim higher. Why are you not trying? Say hi to mom .Take care buddy!

I think orphans are lucky in certain ways. I have never been bothered by relatives before but this got me thinking. Besides, dude is a pretty awesome engineer himself. So I didn’t want to let it out the other ear. Obviously, there’s no point in writing all of this crap in a blog because ultimately I am the one who needs to wake up and take decisions. For some reason, I think writing helps.

If I keep doing what I like does that make me some kind of a “non-dreamer”? Do you necessarily have to keep switching jobs frequently until you find the best one? I like to call such people “bullet trains”. They don’t pay attention to the little things because the attention is on the main goal. Granted, I don’t get paid well and I hate everyone at work but hey, I love the job! In fact I am sure that I can do much more with it. I have to admit that it has started to feel a bit like a nice cozy comfort zone but that’s just something I’ll have to deal with.

On a lighter note, I got a new apartment

Pros:

Big

Internet is faster than the rate at which “bullet trains” switch jobs.

Next door neighbour’s name is Loki

Very rarely do I bump into talkative neighbours

Cons:

Nothing so far. Woohoo!

Never thought I’d say this but…

I think I miss my roommate

Software update

Hello there! Allow me to introduce myself. I am the software update that you’ve been waiting for. I will not only give you amazing new features but also fix everything wrong with your phone (and life). Get ready for a totally revamped settings menu, icons and lots of other unnecessary bullshit that gobble up of all of your phone’s processing power. And now for the big one. The latest in tech innovation that all of you want so desperately. That’s right. New emojis! My developers have taken so much care to make my delivery as smooth as possible. Years of experience have taught them how to deliver me at the most inconvenient times.

I need to put an end to the rumours about me slowing down your phone. There’s no proof of that. It might very well be due to your dying hardware. Ditch that piece of crap and get a new one(manufacturers love it when this happens).

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20160612-heres-the-truth-about-the-planned-obsolescence-of-tech

If you think I am a pain in the ass, surprise surprise! You are not wrong! Infact, some top notch companies are having so much trouble with me that they have begun to vent their frustrations online!.

https://blogs.sonymobile.com/2017/11/03/journey-android-software-rollout/

Some of you might try and delay my installation. You can keep ignoring my notifications but your apps will gradually stop functioning properly. That’s right. You need me. Here’s what will happen if you don’t install me:

First of all, you will miss out on the world’s most amazing things.

You will feel old and outdated

Suicide will keep coming up as an option

Your phone will become prone to cyber attacks

Why do you hate me so much? I don’t want to hurt you. Granted, occasionally I might erase your entire contact list, texts, etc. but its not intentional! Now imagine you turn off your phone while I’m getting installed. That’s when the real fun starts. Ta da! Now you have to reset your phone to its factory settings. By doing this I am actually giving you the chance to be reborn, start a new life with new contacts and photos. But don’t sweat. If you are dissatisfied with my performance you always have the option to “roll back” to my previous “stable” release. Because I care about you, the user. You are everything to me.

Lets be real

Software updates are a necessary evil. If you don’t get it, you will actually miss out on a lot of cool stuff and improvements. Believe it or not, updates are meant to make your life a lot easier. People fuss about how these updates reorganize everything but that’s the company’s way of listening to its customers. Besides, every update contains important security patches that help protect your phone from attacks. Having said that, if someone sets their mind on hacking your specific account, believe me, they will do it. I don’t think anyone is safe. New technology gets developed by the hour. The only way your phone can keep up with the times is through software updates. Back in the day, you would be stuck with the same phone for years but now, every software update breathes in new life into your phone. That’s kinda cool. But there’s no denying the fact that it will slowly kill your phone.

I got the job

I got the “gig”. I did it! I did it! The nerd is in a rock band. All I can say now is shit’s about to go down.

I haven’t played in that many bands but I know the feeling you get when a bus bearing your band’s name comes to pick you up for a show. Yes, I do believe in that “band is family” shit. It’s a mysterious musical-interest-based-bond that refuses to go away even after the band breaks up. Enough gay shit.

After the audition was over the lead singer announced that they would be happy to have me play the drums. So naturally my first instinct was to go over to the mic and announce that I was not gay. But I held it in for a better opportunity. It also gave me a brilliant idea. I could do some stand-up when we play live. That would kill time in between songs. Also, I get to humiliate hecklers.

To quote the great poet Nikki Sixx,

When we started this band
All we needed, needed was a laugh
Years gone by, I’d say we’ve kicked some ass
When I’m enraged Or hittin’ the stage
Adrenaline rushing Through my veins
And I’d say we’re still kickin’ ass