Hugs need to be given

Everytime the food delivery guy messes up, goes to the wrong place, because he decided not to follow the map, I initially go into rage mode, and plan an attack on him via the feedback form. But then, when he finally shows up at my door, drenched in water, wearing his raincoat, all the while smiling, and says , “thank you sir, have a nice day”, my heart just melts. All I want to do at that point is to give him a big hug and cry for a bit. Actually, my instinct is to give him a kiss on the cheek, and a pat on the back, but that would be inappropriate.

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I’m kind of a champion

I chose to be in the gym today, on a Friday night, instead of going out there, getting drunk, talking to people, doing drugs, launching startups, molesting cats, and all the other “outdoorsy” activities that 30-year-olds are upto these days.

Blood, pressure and curiosity

I came close to popping an artery today, at the gym. As soon as I felt the pressure building up in my head, I heard a voice. It was my friend, Sir David Attenborough. “The Giraffe’s blood pressure is higher than any other known animal”, he said. I slowly rose up from the abs-work-out thingy and sat up straight. David continued, “This great pump(the giraffe’s heart) produces blood, squirts it up the artery to the head, and then when it comes down through the jugular vein, there are pocket shaped valves which prevent the blood from flowing backwards into the head, if the animal lowers its head in order to have a drink”.

I will never forget the days I spent watching the Discovery channel, listening to Mr Attenborough’s voice. He was genuinely excited to show the viewers how interesting nature really is. I remember spending hours in front of the TV, watching his shows in awe(I hadn’t discovered porn yet). Thank you Mr. Attenborough, for planting the seed of curiosity in so many people.

“I just wish the world was twice as big and half of it was still unexplored”

– David Attenborough

My funny is not your funny? That’s unpossible!

I personally believe that comedy has no boundaries. The moment you put restrictions on comedy, it ceases to be comedy. By putting restrictions on what a comedian can and cannot say, you are limiting the artist’s creativity. That’s why I don’t get people who get offended during stand-up comedy shows.

I went to watch a play, a comedy. It was about a boss and an employee who’s significant others were in “love” with each other. Every time the employee and the boss’s wife  almost got caught cheating, the audience erupted in laughter. Unfortunately for me, it didn’t seem like the most outstanding premise. So I did something “incredible”, something “unheard of” these days. I stood up, and quietly left the building. I did not complain to my friend. I did not take out my phone, and smash light onto other people’s faces. I did not heckle.

My logic was simple. I didn’t find it funny. So I had no reason to stay. It was a weekend, and I wanted to spend my weekend doing things that make me happy. Sensible things, like waiting in line at a bar or staring at the ceiling. I got an unexpected response from my girlfriend at the time, when I told her this story. “It’s kind of funny”, she said. That’s when it it clicked. Those people laughed at something that I didn’t find so funny. So this is what it feels like! Still does not give me any right to interrupt a show, and try to correct the comedian!

Juice chemistry

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That’s a glass of what appears to be guava juice with salt and chili powder sprinkled on the rim. I never would have come across this rich-people-concoction if it weren’t for my habit of sneaking into private events. I know what you’re thinking. It looks like someone sprinkled sand over a glass of water. Fortunately, this hot and sweet chemistry lab felt pretty good in my mouth. Anyway, back to water and cough syrup.

Thinking with the taste buds

When I’m at the gym, I think about food. Mostly pizza and burgers, but today, a culinary surprise popped up in my head. Are you ready for this?

Cauliflower/broccoli with cheese. That’s it. Hear me out. You don’t have to fancy it up with meat or sauces. Just pure vegetarian goodness. Frying the Cauliflower and putting some cheese on top would be too conventional. Lets switch it up. Boil that shit. Boil the Broccoli so that all those kickass nutrients stay inside. Then bathe it in cheese. Melt that cheese and pour it on the Cauliflower like a spaceship hovering over the Amazon. Actually, I change my mind. Fry it with some onions, pepper and salt. Don’t deep fry it. Just make it crisp enough so that it doesn’t feel like fresh vegetables. Basically, do everything that needs to be done to make it not taste like fresh vegetables.