Warning: I have no scientific proof to back what I am about say. These are entirely my thoughts. I am also bad at writing(feel free to correct me) so good luck.
I used to think that reality(for me) is based on things I see around me, work, stuff that I have been taught at school and things that I have read about. I have been taught that I live on a planet that spins and revolves around a star at the same time. About 70 percent of the surface of this planet is covered by water. It also has a satellite revolving around it called the Moon. This planet, along with several others are suspended in space along with several other galaxies. It is said that there are more stars in the universe than all the grains of sand on all the beaches and deserts of Earth. This is the perfect setting for a fairytale. However, if you understand the science behind it, it will all make sense. Learning the science behind it is a humongous task for me. I have no plans of doing it either. Hence, I just let it be. I would love to talk about religion but I think it would be best to leave it out of this discussion.
I also know my family, friends(not many) and relatives(many). I have memories. In this so called “reality” that is made up entirely of life experiences, there are very few things that I think are truly real. I have to confess that I came to this realisation with the help of movies and science documentaries(but good ones and by good I mean reliable). I came to know that a mind can construct and deconstruct realities on its own regardless of what condition the body is in. For all I know, I could be in a coma right now and someone could be molesting me(That came from watching Kill Bill). I think emotions are real. I feel happy, sad, angry, depressed(mostly), anxiety, etc. That’s about it. I cannot think of any more ‘real’ things. I would appreciate it if the reader could add more to this.
I have dreams in my sleep. When I dream, that particular dream is my reality. I have never had a ‘Lucid’ dream where I become aware that I am dreaming. However, my mom claims that she always dreams of my dad and she realises that she’s dreaming. There’s a line in the song Mad World by Gary Jules: The dreams in which I am dying are the best I’ve ever had. I feel the same way. When I die in a dream, I wake up. I come back to reality but to what reality I come back, I do not know because within the dream, I have no memories of an alternate reality. So I could be jumping from one dream to another and I do not know if the present is a dream or not. What if I never woke up? Would I continue to stay alive in my dream? For that to happen, my brain would have to continue to function. It is said that dreams can be detected by measuring the brain’s activity. This means that the brain plays some part in delivering the dream. I can sort of believe that. But what I don’t understand is the duration of an average dream. It is said that dreams do not last more than a few minutes in reality but a dream itself may feel like a lifetime. It reminds me of the movie ‘Contact’. What is even more interesting is that I remember parts of dreams. So maybe its just the brain replaying past experiences.
Here’s where I go a little extreme: I get the ‘Trueman Show’ feeling sometimes. I get a weird feeling that everyone around me(especially my boss) knows everything about me!
I woke up today with a good feeling. I looked at my watch. It showed 9:15 am. I looked at the ceiling. I thought to myself, “There seem to be an awful amount of light coming from outside the window. That can’t be good. It means its late. But isn’t today Sunday? I hope it to hell its Sunday.
It took about a minute for my brain to start functioning properly and switch to panic mode. It was a Wednesday and I was informed at the beginning of the month that reaching late to work more than two times would result in a deduction of pay. I like pay. I like it very much. I don’t like less pay. So I launched myself from the bed to the bathroom. I didn’t shower. I hate it when that happens. I start the day with a sticky body. I run to the bus stop. I sweat more. I get more sticky. I get into a bus full of sticky people. Their sticky sticks to my sticky. After we exchange the stickys I get down at my office. I run to my desk. I turn on my pc, keep my stuff in a room. Then I run to the restroom to wash my sticky face. The pc has been turned on so that the manager knows I’m here. The pc will remain on like that for about another five minutes until I get back. I get back to my desk at 9:40. I think to myself,” Fuck yeah man! You’re the man! Only you can pull this off! Just late by 10 minutes and none even noticed!”. You might be wondering why am I boring you with my completely boring life. I want to explain what goes on in my head while all of this happens every day. Music. Music plays in my head all the time. I can’t shut it off! The genre of music changes according to the situation. Its usually hard rock when I rush to work! It is also kind of a problem. I forget to think about important stuff. To be honest, I am actually thinking of a great guitar solo right now!
I think the music in my head is my mind’s way of letting me know that everything’s going to be alright. Music calms me down. I wish I could record some of the stuff my mind plays! My colleagues are all good people. I am not familiar with their language and yet we manage to communicate using a few English words and actions. We all have one thing in common. We all like to listen to music. After all, we work at a loudspeaker company. The music returns when its time to go home but not for long because I have to view a bloody apartment. Moving sucks. I hope it wont happen again this year.
After I get back home, I play some actual music. Tesla, Deep Purple, Mr. Big, Sieges Even, etc. It feels so good to sit and relax while listening to some good music. Music is what is keeping me sane. I don’t have many friends here and I am not a very good ‘people’ person. So I spend most of my time walking around my neighbourhood, travelling, making up music in my head. I remember when I was younger, I would feel nauseous while travelling in buses. That feeling would magically disappear when I start to listen to my favourite songs. A friend once told me that music is what feelings sound like. I agree. I think it is the best way to express feelings. There’s a genre of music for every mood. It doesn’t matter how sad or angry you are. Good music can cheer you up in no time. Bob Marley’s Everything’s gonna be alright does actually make things a lot better! The darkest time of my life was when I lost my dad. I have good memories of him. He used to sing. His voice is in my head too. Its crystal clear.
In order to prevent what happened today morning from happening again tomorrow, I am going to take a shower and go to sleep early. Hope you liked reading about my boring meaningless life. Rock on!