Animal

We often hear the phrase: What are we, animals?. It really makes me think. Whenever we do something aggressive, we’re told not to behave like animals and yet we are. We are animals. Who are we kidding? There’s no denying it. We are only desperately trying to suppress our animal desires. However, we are evolved animals and evolved beings are expected to behave well. Where do we draw the line? I think there is no such line because I believe we are still undergoing that change.
How do we define being human?
We began this arduous journey as animals. Slowly but steadily we began the transition to humanity. Along the way, we tend to get confused. I think it is okay to get confused. We get confused because at the core we are still animals. We feel good when we behave like animals. How long will it take for these animal instincts to go away? People say that it is upto an individual to decide weather to do the right thing. I don’t think it makes sense. A person, lets say a “less evolved” person might be behaving like an animal because their mind is asking them to do what it thinks is right. Whatever we, “evolved” beings might think, that person is just following his/er instincts. Their conscience finds nothing wrong in behaving like animals. So they do whatever they like but in some cases, they might feel regret afterwards. I think this is the key point in evolution. We feel the prick of conscience. In even rarer cases, we go back and fix it! Then we learn from it. We adapt our ways so that we do not repeat the mistake. Evolution at its best!
I don’t think we have reached the destination though. I don’t think there is one. I don’t think there will ever be a fully evolved human being. Please don’t think I am too pessimistic. I have reasons to believe so. The body adapts to its surroundings. Since environments keep changing, there is no reason for evolution to stop. The human mind is extraordinary. It has the ability to teach itself and hence people will also continue to evolve mentally forever. Having said that, I would just like to point out that I watched X-men apocalypse today and I loved it.

We live in a world where the majority of the population think they are always right. People don’t take a moment to think how their actions might affect others(I am no better).  Its amazing how a simple discussion with other people can change your plans altogether. I think this is another trait we acquired with the help of evolution. The ability to have an actual discussion with others, to consider the consequences of your actions before you make them, is amazing.
I think we still depend a lot on our animal instincts to succeed in life. That ‘gut feeling’ that we all get is the basic instinct. We cannot throw away such useful traits. However, there are several of them that I think we should lose!

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Reality

Dream.jpgWarning: I have no scientific proof to back what I am about say. These are entirely my thoughts. I am also bad at writing(feel free to correct me) so good luck.

I used to think that reality(for me) is based on things I see around me, work, stuff that I have been taught at school and things that I have read about. I have been taught that I live on a planet that spins and revolves around a star at the same time. About 70 percent of the surface of this planet is covered by water. It also has a satellite revolving around it called the Moon. This planet, along with several others are suspended in space along with several other galaxies. It is said that there are more stars in the universe than all the grains of sand on all the beaches and deserts of Earth. This is the perfect setting for a fairytale. However, if you understand the science behind it, it will all make sense. Learning the science behind it is a humongous task for me. I have no plans of doing it either. Hence, I just let it be. I would love to talk about religion but I think it would be best to leave it out of this discussion.

I also know my family, friends(not many) and relatives(many). I have memories. In this so called “reality” that is made up entirely of life experiences, there are very few things that I think are truly real. I have to confess that I came to this realisation with the help of movies and science documentaries(but good ones and by good I mean reliable). I came to know that a mind can construct and deconstruct realities on its own regardless of what condition the body is in. For all I know, I could be in a coma right now and someone could be molesting me(That came from watching Kill Bill). I think  emotions are real. I feel happy, sad, angry, depressed(mostly), anxiety, etc. That’s about it. I cannot think of any more ‘real’ things. I would appreciate it if the reader could add more to this.

I have dreams in my sleep. When I dream, that particular dream is my reality. I have never had a ‘Lucid’ dream where I become aware that I am dreaming. However, my mom claims that she always dreams of my dad and she realises that she’s dreaming. There’s a line in the song Mad World by Gary Jules: The dreams in which I am dying are the best I’ve ever had. I feel the same way. When I die in a dream, I wake up. I come back to reality but to what reality I come back, I do not know because within the dream, I have no memories of an alternate reality. So I could be jumping from one dream to another and I do not know if the present is a dream or not. What if I never woke up? Would I continue to stay alive in my dream? For that to happen, my brain would have to continue to function. It is said that dreams can be detected by measuring the brain’s activity. This means that the brain plays some part in delivering the dream. I can sort of believe that. But what I don’t understand is the duration of an average dream. It is said that dreams do not last more than a few minutes in reality but a dream itself may feel like a lifetime. It reminds me of the movie ‘Contact’. What is even more interesting is that I remember parts of  dreams. So maybe its just the brain replaying past experiences.

Here’s where I go a little extreme: I get the ‘Trueman Show’ feeling sometimes. I get a  weird feeling that everyone around me(especially my boss) knows everything about me!

Music is life

I woke up today with a good feeling. I looked at my watch. It showed 9:15 am. I looked at the ceiling. I thought to myself, “There seem to be an awful amount of light coming from outside the window. That can’t be good. It means its late. But isn’t today Sunday? I hope it to hell its Sunday.
It took about a minute for my brain to start functioning properly and switch to panic mode. It was a Wednesday and  I was informed at the beginning of the month that reaching late to work more than two times would result in a deduction of pay. I like pay. I like it very much. I don’t like less pay. So I launched myself from the bed to the bathroom. I didn’t shower. I hate it when that happens. I start the day with a sticky body. I run to the bus stop. I sweat more. I get more sticky. I get into a bus full of sticky people. Their sticky sticks to my sticky. After we exchange the stickys I get down at my office. I run to my desk. I turn on my pc, keep my stuff in a room. Then I run to the restroom to wash my sticky face. The pc has been turned on so that the manager knows I’m here. The pc will remain on like that for about another five minutes until I get back. I get back to my desk at 9:40. I think to myself,” Fuck yeah man! You’re the man! Only you can pull this off! Just late by 10 minutes and none even noticed!”. You might be wondering why am I boring you with my completely boring life. I want to explain what goes on in my head while all of this happens every day. Music. Music plays in my head all the time. I can’t shut it off! The genre of music changes according to the situation. Its usually hard rock when I rush to work! It is also kind of a problem. I forget to think about important stuff. To be honest, I am actually thinking of a great guitar solo right now!
I think the music in my head is my mind’s way of letting me know that everything’s going to be alright. Music calms me down. I wish I could record some of the stuff my mind plays! My colleagues are all good people. I am not familiar with their language and yet we manage to communicate using a few English words and actions. We all have one thing in common. We all like to listen to music. After all, we work at a loudspeaker company. The music returns when its time to go home but not for long because I have to view a bloody apartment. Moving sucks. I hope it wont happen again this year.
After I get back home, I play some actual music. Tesla, Deep Purple, Mr. Big, Sieges Even, etc. It feels so good to sit and relax while listening to some good music. Music is what is keeping me sane. I don’t have many friends here and I am not a very good ‘people’ person. So I spend most of my time walking around my neighbourhood, travelling, making up music in my head. I remember  when I was younger, I would feel nauseous while travelling in buses. That feeling would magically disappear when I start to listen to my favourite songs. A friend once told me that music is what feelings sound like. I agree. I think it is the best way to express feelings. There’s a genre of music for every mood. It doesn’t matter how sad or angry you are. Good music can cheer you up in no time. Bob Marley’s Everything’s gonna be alright does actually make things a lot better! The darkest time of my life was when I lost my dad. I have good memories of him. He used to sing. His voice is in my head too. Its crystal clear.
In order to prevent what happened today morning from happening again tomorrow, I am going to take a shower and go to sleep early. Hope you liked reading about my boring meaningless life. Rock on!

I want to be a drummer

Be warned. I am bad at writing. Most of it wont make sense unless our brains could somehow sync with each other.

Like many of us, I’ve often wondered what to do with my life. Do I make my life meaningful by helping others or do I just enjoy my life to the fullest? My life at times gets so depressing that I have to struggle to keep myself happy. However, I have a strong feeling that I am here for a purpose. I have absolutely no reason to believe so. Its just a feeling. I think I am here to make people happy. I like to make people happy! Although I am not a very people person, I do not waste chances I get to be useful. Be it fixing electronics or just cheering people up, I wish I could do it more often. The happy face you get to see after you fix someone’s computer is simply priceless.

So I gave it some thought. What do I like to do the most that would also be meaningful? I know that music makes everyone happy. Even during the worst of times, a little music can cheer you up. I love to make music and especially to play drums. Using these skills, I believe I can make people happy someday. The universe will show me the how. The universe talks to me very rarely but in powerful ways. The universe has been very quiet of late!

So I think I would be happy to be a drummer. I never thought that would be my ultimate aim in life but that’s what it looks like now. No matter what job I do or what course I study I have a feeling of unfulfillment. I initially thought I wanted to compose background scores for movies but upon giving it some deep thought I realised that I would run out of ideas pretty soon. However, when I play in a band, beats just pop up like magic. When I sit on the drum throne I feel like I an actual king! ‘Throne’ is a very apt name for the drum seat.

Is it just me or do great ideas pop up in your mind when you shower? or take a walk? Brilliant guitar riffs pop up in my mind when I go for long walks. Especially after work! My mind plays extraordinary music when I go for walks. I wish I could record them! I am happy that my mind is creative enough to play its own music instead of playing pre-existing songs!

I have not played in that  many bands but I certainly know how it feels when a bus labelled with your band’s name comes to pick you up for a show! I think of a real band as a family where everyone can read each others mind. Although I have never been in such a band, I hope I will some day. Here’s the problem. I am afraid to choose drumming as a career path. I do not know if I can make a living off it. Not only do I don’t vibe with people, but I also only like to play for genres that people don’t usually like. I also know that it is hard work. I am amazed to see really old bands still kicking ass. I am happy for them. If you are in a mood for some ‘feel good’ talk, I suggest you watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V80-gPkpH6M

The Revenant

I am sorry. This is not actually a review. Its just my thoughts on a few scenes from the movie.
Have you ever felt like you liked a movie a little later after watching it but you did not like it as much while watching it? I don’t know if you understood that. Sorry for grammatical errors! I have felt the same way for several movies. My first such experience was for The Dark Knight Rises. I have to mention that I cried during Micheal Caine’s emotional dialogue with Christian Bale. That was a powerful scene. Overall, I did not like the movie as much as The Dark Knight. I was expecting more but right after coming out of the cinema, I began to realise that the movie wasn’t actually that bad. Especially after my friend said “I’m watching this again”. This kind of a revelation-after-the-movie was felt even more after watching Prometheus. It was like pieces of a puzzle coming together. I was driving back from the cinema and I realised how the scenes at the beginning of the movie actually made sense by the end of the movie. To be honest, while watching the movie I thought it was crap. The Revenant was a slightly similar experience. One main difference was that I thoroughly enjoyed the movie while watching it. I enjoyed it even more after leaving the cinema! The movie was gripping. It was the first time I saw a movie that was extremely slow and gripping at the same time. Well, not actually. 2001 A Space Odessey. Nothing more to say.
Anyway, the movie carried me with it all along the way. Since there was no complex plot, it was easy to follow. I was relaxed while watching the movie. You could feel the pain of a helpless father throughout the movie. It was a series of unfortunate events. I even began to think about what it would be like to be a father! Damn it’s going to hard! It’s like you have a small version of you running behind you all the time, who wants to do things that you do and if you loose sight of it , may end up dead. It’s very hard to keep these things alive! I have to point out that I did not recognize Tom Hardy until like half an hour into the movie. He did some excellent work. Oh how much I hated his character though!. I cannot tolerate such people in real life too. They might not be as severe as the character in the movie but I sense that kind of attitude in people quickly. Traitors, waste of life. That’s what they are. Thoroughout the movie I wanted to drive a samurai sword through him. My main takeaway from the movie was the line- “I’ll be right here”. It has been often said in many other movies but the situations in this movie was different. They said it when all hope was lost. Even after they knew that things aren’t going to get better they still said it to each other. “I’ll be right here”. I guess it’s what people actually want to hear at the worst of times. The knowledge that there is at least a single person in the whole world who is willing to stand beside you and face the storm gives you amazing courage. Speaking of storms, the scene where the native American helps Glass keep warm during the storm was just epic. I don’t remember that scene having any good background score but it did great even without one. The whole movie lacked a good background score. In Reservoir Dogs I actually felt suffocated due to the lack of background music. Again, the movie was awesome even without one. Finally I wish to talk about the scene where Glass jumps off a cliff with a horse. Poor animal but great scene. A sudden transition during an already intense chase scene. All in all I liked the movie. I wish there would be more movies like this in the future.

I am straight

Begin “offensive” post:

I am a straight guy. Why am I saying this? Well, if you are like me (antisocial and attracts gay attention), you would understand. Part of the reason why I decided to make this post is that I read another blog where this brave guy reveals how he was abused as a child by his father, how he is coping with the trauma, how he used to view women as objects, etc. Good news is that he is now, a fantastic human being who lives for his two daughters. His post gave me the courage to make my own post. Its not like I have had dangerous encounters with gay people or anything but I do think I am at the brink of one.

The irony in all this is that I have been a LGBT supporter all my life. Good news is that I still am. I don’t hate anyone. I respect everyone. I think the factors that keep me from making friends are also causing the gay attention. The reasons I am talking about are stuff like shyness, no interest in sports and general guy stuff. My interests are not mainstream. I feel like its hard to find people with similar interests as mine where I live.

Fortunately, I have good friends at my new workplace. I like my job too. These are the only good things happening now. Everything else sucks. Time for a loooong walk and some deep thinking!

Hey guess what? I would really appreciate your comments! So comment. Or don’t. That’s cool too.