Best things I’ve heard this week

Some minds are so powerful that they can construct and deconstruct their own realities

We might be the first instance of evolution becoming self-aware

Whoever you are spying on using a mirror can see you too

Music is what feelings sound like

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Local adventures

Two years have gone by since I moved to Kolkata. Life’s been great so far. However, whenever I get too happy my phone does a good job of reminding me that I have zero friends outside of work. So I did what anyone else would do in these situations. Drum roll… ta da! I turned to religion.

Last Sunday morning I decided to go to church. Thought I would go see what our friendly church-goers are up to. I was expecting to see a lot of the “lets all stare at the new guy to make him super uncomfortable” routine. To my surprise, no one gave a shit and it felt great. That was until halfway through mass. I noticed a lady wearing cargo shorts staring at me. She looked at me and smiled. Then I did the unthinkable. I looked right back at her and without any hesitation gave her a super wide smile. There were no negative thoughts like “Is she super religious? Should I go talk to her? Will she kill me after mass?”. All that was going on in my mind was,” Fuck yes! I did it! Finally accepted by society. That’s all that matters. It’s all uphill from here”.

I was walking back home when I was stopped by (you guessed it) lady in the cargo shorts. After an initial “Hi I saw you at church” introduction, began a questioning spree “Where are you from? You don’t look like you’re from here. Where do you stay? Do you like it here? Do you have some cash on you?”.

Why do you mock me universe? Why?

What happens to engineers after they die?

Its simple really. Before I reveal the answer, here’s a little backstory. Lets rewind to a few minutes before the engineer’s death. The engineer realises that everything he’s learnt, everything he’s experienced, everything he loved may soon be lost forever. This brings immense sadness to the inventor’s gentle heart. However, he remembers all the great scientists and YouTube videos about multiverses and the law of conservation of energy. This reignites the fire of curiosity in him for one last time. Our engineer has now successfully converted fear into curiosity. He is now curious to know what happens after death. This gives him the courage to meet death head on. However he starts to wonder why this shit is taking too long. Soon he realises that he can’t think properly and his memory is starting to fade. He can’t remember his favourite song. He cant remember any songs. He thinks to himself, “Oh well. I hope I get to meet dad at least”. He starts to find it difficult to breathe. Now he knows the time is near. So he opens his eyes for one last time, takes a look around the empty room and then slowly closes it with a smile on his face. 

And then nothingness…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh common! You didn’t think that would be the end of it did you? That was too dark to accept!

The engineer wakes up from bed with tears rolling down his eyes and hopes it to god that the wetness in the pants are also tears. He jumps up from bed in astonishment only to hear his lame ass room mate yell “will you turn off that damn alarm? Don’t you have a job?” to which he gracefully replies “I JUST DIED YOU MOTHERFUCKER”. 

I wish I knew what happens after death. I think death is the only thing in the world that can put a limit on imagination. I just thought the title was really cool! 

 

Social evils

Just like any other day I was sitting in my office planning how to deploy artillery around the campus when I heard the boss say something. My brain could not process what was coming out of its mouth. It kept making a weird noise. It sounded like “Party” aka nightmare. “We are having a party at my place tomorrow. I would like you to come” For some reason my immediate answer was “why?”. But what I really wanted to ask was “why should I come? You don’t own me. Why do you always refer to yourself as ‘we’? Are you a legion or something?”.

Long story short, what should have been a perfect evening with my drums, Rick, Morty and  Mindhunter is now ruined because I have to talk to “people” instead. Thanks a lot life! I don’t think it’ll be that bad though. Unless a whole group of people try to corner me and force me to talk. I resort to arson in those situations. Which is highly unlikely given my celebrity status in the office.

I wonder

We are able to speak to each other just because there is air in our atmosphere (sound requires a medium to propagate). If there was no air, how do you think we would communicate? Of course, sign language would be the answer but what if we advanced  from it just like we advanced from uttering simple sounds to making up sentences? What if we could just look at someone’s face and totally understand what they were saying?

Did Robin Williams’s brain operate at a higher speed than the average person?

Do the laws we make affect the way we evolve as a society?

 

Why does the sight of tangled earphone-wires and damaged speakers irritate me?

Why did McDonald’s choose a clown? Why does IT seem creepy now?

Why are unlimited data and unlimited refills more popular words than unlimited access and unlimited entry?

Why does my room mate keep this picture in the living room?

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Out of all the other pictures, why this one?

 

Why do we want to believe rumours and spread them when the internet can be used for fact-checking?

Why was Michael Jackson so strange?

Why does the colour-scheme of a movie affect its tone?

Why do people like to watch other people react to the stuff they like?(YouTube react videos)

Why is dog food expensive?

Why do people want to be afraid of technology?

Why don’t I have social skills?

Why are a few scientists concerned about the stability of the universe?

Why do people like to make fun of politicians? Why do politicians like to make fun of other politicians? Why are we not interested in politics? 

Why do we like it when movies reference other movies?

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Why does going to the beach help me think better?

Why do my blog’s views go up when I include pictures in my posts?

Why do detectives look for patterns?

Why was Tom and Jerry fun back then and violent now?

Why do people pray?