Don’t use your phone while eating rice because rice contains carbohydrates, which when exposed to radiation can turn your kids into real estate agents.
Fungal infections are best treated with tea leaves and violence.
Uploading your DNA into the internet is like selling your passport on eBay, where they take pride in selling fake goods.
Water theme parks are something you hold close to your hearts as a child, but have to let go as adults because the wave pools are filled with urine, not poison, just urine.
If somebody doesn’t invite you to their wedding, it means they are not your friends.
If your dog humps your leg more than it should, there is a pretty high chance that you are gay.
(I like to make fun of things, and self-help blogs are one of them. So, this is going to be a new series of posts where I spew out unhelpful, unreliable and sometimes, spot-on advice)