Curiosity advice

Curiosity’s guide to acing job interviews

Do your research

What is the name of the company?

What do they do?

How many sex offenders currently work there?

Ask questions

Where is the bathroom?

Has anyone died in the bathroom?

Get comfortable. Own the environment

Begin the conversation with, “you may kneel and kiss the hand now”.

Say things that would peak the interest of the interviewers

Announce that you are going to perform a magic trick. Proceed to stab the table with a pencil. Announce that you are going to make the pencil disappear. Ask for a volunteer from among the interviewers.

Pro tips

It’s always a good idea to eat dried apricots before and after a job interview. That way, you’ll find something to do before and after you take the interview.

Most importantly, smile. Make sure you look someone in the eye while smiling. Continue smiling for one and a half minutes.

A few examples of what not to say during a job interview:

“You are appointed”

“I can cut my own hair”

“I was adopted”

How to respectfully decline a job offer

I’m allergic to whatever you manufacture

 

Curiosity’s self-help guide

How to gain friends at work

Go to a bar with colleagues. Buy first round of drinks. Call your mom. Ask her to pick you up immediately.

How to escape from a low-energy situation

Touch the inside of a bug zapper

How to stay fit

Pray to Bruce Lee

Stay tuned for “Curiosity’s guide to a great job interview“. In it, he explores the DO’s, Dont’s, Don’t you dare’s, How dare you’s and Call the cops’s of job interviews. 

Curiosity is a self proclaimed author who never seizes to amaze his imaginary audience. His ground-breaking works include “One flew over the prison fence” and the research paper, “Crazy Poor Patients“. Apart from plagiarism, he also enjoys throwing rocks at his office and teaching kids to swear.