I shut down in public again

Fuck fuck faaaaaak!

Shutting down is nothing new to me, but learning stuff from it, is. You know what it is? I think I can’t take socializing for more than two hours at a stretch. Two hours is my limit. After that it’s just a waste of time. No one wants to talk to me either. It’s such a mutual feeling. I think I have a socializing meter. Once it reaches it’s limit, it explodes. The explosion sends shock-waves to the parts of the brain that controls speech. For the first one hour, I am fine. I exchange fake smiles, maybe even get into mildly interesting conversations, but beyond that, I am done dude. My mouth gets sewn shut. I can’t even crack a fake smile. It’s like, people come up to me, and ask me if everything’s okay. Like the other day, I was at one of my best friend’s wedding, and I killed it for the first half hour. KILLED IT. I was unstoppable. I even made friends with the caterers.

It seems very childish. I am a grown, 30 year old man. I should be hosting parties by now, but no! I only host podcasts. You know why? I’m king of the jungle there. I am Mufasa, I am the Alpha and the Omega and sometimes even a Beta. Not a bottom, a beta.

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