There is a sickness in me

Jealousy

Every time I hear someone else is doing better than me, there is a small part of me that hurts. It’s like a tiny prick, but depending on the situation, the intensity of the prick varies. For example, if I find out that a very good friend of mine recently got promoted, or is getting married, first there is a prick, but then it is followed by “I am happy for my buddy. I love him/her”. Then there’s the other extreme. Today, I checked a friend’s IMDB page, and to my horror, found out that he’s not only worked on every Marvel movie I’ve seen, but the fucker is currently working on those that are in production right now! I keep telling myself, “be happy for him. be happy for him. be happy for him”, but it hurts lol!

This sickness has been growing in me for quite sometime. The realization was gradual. I found out there is something terribly wrong with the way I viewed other people’s successes, while trying out a particular kind of guided meditation. I know right? Meditation. It has a lot to do with upbringing and friend circles. I should probably go to therapy to get this sorted out, but it doesn’t hurt to write down the truth.

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