I controlled my mind today

In the evening, around 5:00 pm I sat on my bed, and meditated. I have a few steps before I reach my ‘g spot’ in meditation. First, I try to forget what’s going on in my life. Not a big problem. Not many cancer cases at the moment in the family. Mostly everyone is doing fine, except for the thousands who are dying due to the Pandemic. So the first step is ok. Second step is listening to the sounds. By listening I mean deep listening, like, I hear the tea being poured into glasses. I hear the chatter. I hear the footsteps. I hear the motherfucking children play in the hallways. I hear the people living above making dinner. Lastly, to make this shit a little poetic, I hear the wind. Once I am done with the auditory orgasms, I block them out. Next I focus on my breathing. It used to be easier when I was a kid because I used to feel great. Now, I imagine all the health problems I’ll have to face in the future. I feel the lungs expand, and wonder how long will they able to put up with this shit called life. Then I block it out as well. Then comes the last and most difficult step, which is removing all thoughts. Not thinking about anything. I can’t explain what it’s like because it is total absence, like before the universe began, but even in that absence I could feel that I am alive. I am alive and I am inside nothingness. My head is working. Stephen Hawking says that the concept of time has no meaning before the beginning of the universe. I don’t feel the passage of time when my mind is absent of thoughts. Once I reach this place, I find it hard to stay there, because ‘reality’ keeps sending in lighting bolts into the absence.

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