Curiosity’s guide to acing job interviews

Do your research

What is the name of the company?

What do they do?

How many sex offenders currently work there?

Ask questions

Where is the bathroom?

Has anyone died in the bathroom?

Get comfortable. Own the environment

Begin the conversation with, “you may kneel and kiss the hand now”.

Say things that would peak the interest of the interviewers

Announce that you are going to perform a magic trick. Proceed to stab the table with a pencil. Announce that you are going to make the pencil disappear. Ask for a volunteer from among the interviewers.

Pro tips

It’s always a good idea to eat dried apricots before and after a job interview. That way, you’ll find something to do before and after you take the interview.

Most importantly, smile. Make sure you look someone in the eye while smiling. Continue smiling for one and a half minutes.

A few examples of what not to say during a job interview:

“You are appointed”

“I can cut my own hair”

“I was adopted”

How to respectfully decline a job offer

I’m allergic to whatever you manufacture

 

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