How to ask your mom for money


Start the engine. Begin by sounding happy(If you’re like me, you wouldn’t have talked to her for a long time. So sound apologetic. How to sound happy and apologetic at the same time you ask? I don’t know. Fuckin figure it the out. Hit the accelerator. Then talk about something nice, like how fast your nephew is growing up. Switch gears. Talk about your plans to get a new job or study something new. Hit the breaks. Tell her you are going through a bad time. Switch off the engine. Tell her you need money. Put it in neutral. Explain why you need it. Push it down a cliff. Start crying. 

Or you could cut the theatrics and tell her what’s up. Saves a lot of time and energy.

I know. It’s a fucking disgrace. Nobody likes to do it. It’s not the right thing to do. You might even have to hear about it for a year. But some of us have to. I had to ask my mom for money last year. Lucky for me, I needed the money to go home. I usually plan stuff out but this time something unexpected came up and I had to make the trip. She wanted to see me anyways. So I didn’t even have to beg. Once I got back, I thought to myself,” What do I do now? Do I give it back? She’ll never accept it. How about I turn it into a situation where I ‘NEVER’ have to ask for it again?. That sounds good”. Sounds corny but I definitely do not wish to be in that situation again and I never will be.

Pro-tip: If you do end up begging your mom for money, don’t harass her. After all, she gave birth to your sorry ass and that looser sibling of yours, which brings me to the next segment of this post:

How to ask your sister for money.

Harass her

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